I wonder where you are by Terry Cummings

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Can't I be alone without thoughts of you?
If I could, would really I feel alone?
Or just on my own, one, half.
I wonder
And wait, and inhale, and wait, and wait
for the feeling to pass, to expire
To have passed. To retire.
To have retired. To have gone away.

Where are you now my silent one?
Who's eyes feel pleased by your smile?
Who's breath will catch, clinging
In their throat
As you pass them by?
I wonder
And which cloud are you beneath?
And how far is that cloud
From the cloud that covers me?
I wonder and I breathe again.

The world is criminal and sharp
Without you
It bites, it sucks, it is contrived.
It inflicts, it robs
It caresses moodily
And then it strangles away
my breath
My breath.
Scraped away.
Given away.

Could you know that I am folded?
And in that fold torn?
I have no wait, no wait
There is no wait in me
There is only draft and echo
Of the movement and the voice
That is yours

A camera, a plate
Full of your after-image
Away from the light, clutching
only the certainty that soon
I will be the one who's eyes
Will gladly receive you
And only this certainty
Decreases my exposure.
And keeps me

Were I light now
I would be shadow

Were I weight
I would fly

Were I practice
I would falter

Were I justice
The world would envelop me

An open window bangs in the wind
The breath of time
I wonder where you are