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Yes Your Bum is BIG! by Tari Xalyr


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HAPPY GIRL (HG) enters.)

H.G.: Hi everyone. Great news, I've a whole cast for you to sign!

NIC: What happened?

HG: Oh no biggy, the doctor just realised the bones were healing cooked so he took the old cast off, re broke the bones and set a new one.

BEC: Ouch. Didn't that hurt?

HG: Yeah a bit I mean he was re-breaking my bones but hey it could always be worse, like that time last year when I broke both my legs then fell over and ended up in a comma for three weeks. No, no, it's not that bad, could always be worse. Doctor thinks I'll be healed in no time! What were you guys doing?

(All look guilty and don't answer.)

KATE: So can I sign your cast first?

(goes into extreme makeover scene. BEC, NIC, EMMA & KATE, act out Mary's life around her.)

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Extremely Extreme Makeovers for Ugly Extremities! On tonight's show we will be nipping and tucking someone who needs it big time. Here is our story on tonight's make-over candidate, Mary.

VOICE OVER: Mary's start to life was hard. She was born in a public hospital. When she was in kindergarten the other kids threw play dough at her. In primary school she made a hugs sandcastle and some older kids stomped on it and flattened it before she could show her mum and dad.

During high school she had issues with her friends and boys. And she found her maths classes boring. At the age of fourteen she started to develop pimples. Some were so bad they took up to seven days to clear. Her mother had false teeth which she found embarrassing and one time someone put a kick me sticker on her back and no body told her.

Today she has no boyfriend, she still lives with her parents and she works in a dead end job, in the M&M factory throwing out all the W's. Mary really needs this make over.

RICHARD: Welcome to Extremely Extreme Makeovers for Ugly Extremities. I'm your host, Richard Cranium. Mary, are you ready for this dramatic transformation?

MARY: I sure am Richard Cranium.

RICHARD: Good because when you have had this make over and you look beautiful your life will improve. Food tastes better. Roses smell sweater. The sun will shine brighter. Birds will no longer shit on your head. You'll get a better job, better friends, a boyfriend and the contradicting voices in your head will stop.

MARY: Yes! Can we start now!?!?

RICHARD: Okay but first we must meet the Extreme Team.

Sound cue - Track 2 - Charlies Angel theme (speech over music)

RICHARD: Our plastic surgeon Ken, our eyelash curler, Madame Lash, our hair stylist Curly and our make up artist Vinka.

Quick fade of sound cue 2

RICHARD: Our fabulous plastic surgeon Ken, what are you going to do to Mary?

KEN: Well Richard. I'm going to suck some fat out of here, cut some skin out of there, squash some silicon in there and put some poison in there. (draws lines on Mary's face with novelty size pencil)

RICHARD: Wow! She's looking great already. Now meet Madame Lash, our professional eyelash curler.

LASH: People often underestimate the value of having properly curled eyelashes.

 

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