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(Page 2 of 8) No More Miracles by Cameron Olson "You know that, Captain."
Fey was silent as the message repeated again. The young man sounded a little closer to despair.
"You know those people are as good as dead, Captain," Alex said. "All we can do is report the incident to the regional patrols."
Fey nodded and opened her mouth to order the channel closed. Then she felt something metallic slide across her chest and she reached up to touch the tiny symbol that always hung there. She closed her hand around the cross on its chain as her guts twisted.
//Please, will someone respond.\\
The colonists were already dead. She knew that, but she didn't want to accept it. Her heart refused to accept it, pleading for things to be different.
Alex turned in his seat and looked up at her. "Are you alright, Captain?" he asked.
"I'm fine," Fey said as her ribs turned into knives and attacked her heart. She knew that there was nothing she could do to change the outcome and she knew that God wouldn't do anything to change it either. There were no more miracles. She had learned that when her mother died.
The young man's voice broke at last. //If there is anyone listening, please, for the love of God, respond!\\
Fey wanted to explain to him that he was asking the impossible. She wanted to tell him that miracles didn't happen anymore. She wanted him to understand that God didn't love anyone.
--I don't?-- said a soft voice deep in her heart.
::You don't,:: Fey thought. ::You never did.::
--Fey,-- the voice began, --I so loved the world that I gave my one and only Son...--
She didn't want to listen. Not to him. ::You let my mother die,:: Fey thought as the forgotten words of sermons and Sunday school lessons rose up in her mind and surrounded her. ::I begged you, everyone begged you, and still you let her...::
The voice continued, finishing the passage. --...that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.--
::She died!:: Fey screamed in her heart, denying those words.
--No, Fey,-- the soft voice replied. --She just came home, and I will lift her up again.--
::But she...:: she thought.
--I keep my promises, Fey.--
"Captain?" Alex asked in a worried whisper.
"What is it Alex?" Fey replied.
"You're crying," he whispered.
Fey realized there were tears running down her face and dripping onto her hand. "I'm fine, Alex. Just stress."
--Look at me Fey.--
::I can't...:: she thought as she clenched her eyes shut to hold back the tears.
--Just look at me.--
::I know what you want from me, Lord,:: she thought, ::and it's not possible. This is a destroyer, not a battlecruiser.::
--With me, all things are possible. Now look at me.--
In her mind, Fey was in a dark room with her eyes shut tight, afraid to look at the person standing at her side. She was exhausted, she had been pretending she was alone for a long time, running away for a long time. Now she knew she had never gotten away. She didn't want to look at the man next to her, didn't want to see his face.
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