Fate, Where is your Victory by Guadalupe Gonzales

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As I sit here by my window looking out to sea, it never fails that you come to mind, with those memories which have long since been a constant reminder of lost love. I had left the city life for this secluded cottage by the sea. It had become intolerable for me to remain there any longer. The mental anguish I bore for those four years had become a constant torment to my well being. So for the sake of my peace of mind I took my lifes' savings and acquired this cottage by the sea. I now live on my monthly pension.

What love, or lack of it will make people do, I thought. Such was the case for me. I would finally bring to end this on-going, never-fulfilled, so-called relationship that had taken four years out of my life. What made this so agonizing is that never a word was spoken between us, ever. The nearest resemblance to a relationship were glances, gestures, and a simple smile now and then. The smile being the only sentiment to any kind of romantic expression between us. And yet that smile had kept me in check for all this time. I waited for so long to see if perhaps one day he might speak to me of our mutual love, but that day never came.

After many battles with my inner being, I finally realized that, he did not love me as much as I loved him, and it would only cause me deep grief to remain. My only consulation was to think that he had much to lose if he had proceeded with the affair. We lived a house apart, but, never a word had been spoken between the two of us during the entire relationship, just brief encounters of glances and gestures in the everyday routine of coming and going. The problem was that our neighbors seemed to be forever aware of our glances and gestures, and made it a point to be around whenever he and I were outside in our yards doing something or other. No one, except for a friend that lived at the far corner of the neighborhood had ever spoken to me about the neighbors suspicions. Things only got worst and our encounters became less frequent because he had now been obligated to spend less time at home. He was retired and thus had lots of free time. His daily routine had become very closely monitored, that it became unbearable for me to cope with this constant surveillance. I began to have feelings of low esteem and would often blame myself for ever getting involved in this affair with a married man.

This situation had become a torment to me and his absolute rejection of me was causing me undue pain and anguish. I had been humiliated and no one was there for me. My heart had been compromised and was now starving for lack of his attention. I had been left to fend for myself. Rejected, dejected, and denounced, I took all of my worldly possessions and acquired this secluded cottage by the sea. Here I would try to forget the man that had become the reason for my very existence.

I now sit here reflecting on these things that are forever fresh on my mind. It has now been seven years since, and have not been able to recover from this, possibly my last chance at romance.

So I sit here in my chair next to the window with my constant companions, loneliness and a bottle of booze.

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