The Wrath of Barney the Big Purple Dinosaur by William Hrdina

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SUMMARY: Brainwashed Barney kids take over America. NOW AVAILABLE: “Where the Fnords Linger- A Short Story Collection” By William Hrdina- collects 27 of my most popular stories. To order go to Amazon or www.williamhrdina.com.

"The Wrath of Barney, the Big Purple Dinosaur"
William Hrdina


When the rebellion first started, everyone took it for a hoax. A really funny hoax too. Even though their transmission managed to interrupt every channel on TV- no one was seriously concerned. No one took it as a warning. We should have. The people responsible were too smart and well funded to be kidding.
Would you take it seriously if Barney the big purple dinosaur came on television wearing a military uniform? Would you think it was the first move in a plan that would bring America to its knees?
Well, neither did we.
But I am here, writing this in a hole deep underneath the earth. I'm cold and I think I have a viral infection from the last time they dropped chemical gas down here. I was too slow with my mask. There are a few hundred fighters remaining. I'm trying to get this down on paper so maybe the truth of history won't be lost to the Purple Dinosaur and his ruthless armies.
After the broadcast, the only interested party was the FCC. They weren't at all happy about people hacking into the broadcasting system. Unfortunately, whoever broke into the system did so without leaving a trace, and the FCC investigation turned up no solid leads. No one lifted a finger to investigate what was almost universally seen as a big-time version of MTV's Punked, not the police, Congress, the CIA, or the Office of Homeland Security. This was at least partially due to the fact that a large number of their members were among the brainwashed.
I was watching a re-run of the Simpsons when Barney took over the airwaves for the first time. He was six feet tall and purple, standing in front of a drab black curtain. Usually Barney is naked, but for his first national address, he wore a formal military uniform covered in medals. Propped up on his big purple head was a General's cap- the universal headgear of the military dictator.
He was, as always, gesticulating wildly.
When he spoke, it was in that familiar falsetto that cut through the nerves of a generation of parents. Sort of like Goofy on helium. His message was short and too the point, over nearly as quickly as it began.
"Now, my children, the time has come. You all know what to do. Think back to when you were children, everything you need to know is in those memories. Now sing along with me."
Music began playing from somewhere off camera. Barney minced around a bit as the intro played, and then he broke into his familiar, and maddening, theme song,
"I love you, you love me..." but he changed the second part from "We're a happy family, to "kill your en-tire-er faaam-ily." Then Barney flashed what appeared to be some kind of gang-sign with his purple paw, and the screen went blank. There was a series of flashes, and two seconds later the brief message played again.
The Barney broadcast played a third time before, as quickly as it appeared, the interruption ended. Everything returned to its normal broadcasting schedule.
The entire event, from beginning to end, was exactly 30 seconds.

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