Lulu-Bell and the Great Bar-b-Que by . Crystalwizard

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SUMMARY: Bar-B-Que gone bad.

I'm so bored, even them tumbleweeds out there blowin' cross the desert is havin' more fun! Ain't nothin' ta do in this two-bit town, not since ma cousin Lulu-Bell set the whole durn thing on fire!

Used ta be, this was a right nice town. Had a pool hall, swimmin' pool and even a Chucky Cheese. Come an evenin' ya'd find the guys at the pool hall, the teens at the swimmin' pool and the little kids with their maws at the Chucky Cheese. Sumin' fer everyone and we did all right.

Now a for I go any further, let me explain' 'bout my cousin Lulu-Bell. That gal, she's got a wild hair up both sides a her nose and they's constantly a quiverin'. Normal folks run an hide when she shows up, cause they's always trouble 'bout ta happen. She don't live here, she lives out in the boonies with a bunch a dogs big enuff ta ride on and a mule. She comes ta visit me though, and once in a while I don't see her truck in time ta hide.

That's what happened this one night, 'bout two months back. I was jest settin' down ta a right nice supper a bar-b-que ribs and potata salad, when the door bell started ringin'. Sounded like some kid was standin' on ma porch, leanin' on the thing with stick. Don't take too much more'n that to announce Lulu-Bell's presence and I knowed right then I was in trouble.

I shoulda jest left her standin' on the porch but she'd a stood there fer an hour and kept punchin' that bell, which had already gotten on my last nerve so I strode ta the door, flung it open and got flattened 'gainst the wall as Lulu-Bell and six a her dogs come waltzin' in without even a howdy-do!

Now them dogs, they was some big breed, named after some mountain chain some where's which I can't never remember, but they stands taller'n my table and they made short work a my dinner. I weren't too happy 'bout that and let Lulu-Bell know I weren't. She 'pologised, said she was sorry, then offered ta buy me a new one. I should'a knowed better'n ta accept but see'n as I was hungry, I said ok.

Well it took Lulu-Bell 'bout ten minutes ta wrassel them dogs back outta my house and inta her truck, which she finally did by flingin' a big ol' steak in the back, then we both jumped in and roared off outta the driveway.

Now there use ta be a right nice little joint 'round here what served up good bar-b-que and that's where we headed. Should'a asked fer a salad instead but I weren't thinkin' with anything but ma stomach. That joint was packed, folks still sittin' in their cars waitin' ta get in, when we pulled inta the parkin' lot.

That didn't bother Lulu-Bell none, she jest hopped outta the truck and made fer the door. She figured she'd jest get it ta go and we'd be off, lettin' the rest a the folks keep waitin' fer a table. Them dogs, they figured ta join her too, and they all barreled outta the back a her truck soon as she disappeared inta the door, and made a bee-line fer the place.

Now a normal dog, he'd jest sit down outside the door and wait, seein's how a normal dog couldn't open the door. But not them dogs.