Escaping work by Siva Vg

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SUMMARY: Sarcasm in Escaping work

It was ten on the clock. I was late by one hour. I did not care.
‘What a waste of time?'
I flashed my access card at the ‘Employees only allowed' machine, the red turned to green. ‘The planet of Apes' flashes in my mind. I see some notices stuck on the door. I think they should stick statutory warnings,
#Go in at your own risk. Mingling with people inside can be injurious to your brain.
#Any loss of I.Q cannot be your fault alone
#Once you are inside, the company cannot be held responsible when you become brain dead
#Remember, "Any knowledge you gain inside is better left lost inside".

I walked in and I could clearly see people staring at me. I could almost feel their heartburns. I sat on my swiveling chair. ‘OK so now what?' I become temporarily blank everyday before I start doing anything in the morning. I guess when I get in to the field of such non-brain activity my brain goes in to a comatose. I just decided to sit in the seat for two minutes and do nothing. And this is the first of 200 remaining slices of two minutes for that day and the remaining 40 minutes of the 8 hours of work goes to fill excels (PC without a alt-ctrl-del and an spreadsheet will give most managers a heart attack).
‘Life is shit'.
"What happened to that bug, have you fixed it?" my TL or technical lead.
Now this is pressure. The first slice of two minutes is not even over.
‘Of course not, ass, what do you think?'
"No Raghu I am yet to look in to it."
"Then what are you doing? Start looking in to it. I want an estimation in 10 minutes."
‘Yah!! I just came. Go sit in your seat and do something worthwhile like nothing'
He left. He sat two cubicles to my left.
The difference when you start climbing the corporate ladder is this, the team member gets minutes, the module lead gets hours, the project lead gets days, the project manager gets months, and top management gets years.
I don't like people ordering me around; I decided not to fix the bug for at least a week, which is more like 40 hours.
The bug or defect in the program (software code) my TL was referring to can be fixed in two minutes by most normal people, that of course leaves my TL out of the equation, he is in a league of his own, a separate species.
"Good Morning Siva. So how are you today?"
‘Oh shit this ones my PL and he was an TL before and he is worse now, he gives all the bullshit from Client site to the TL's (of course adds his human shit in it too) and the TL's dumps all the shit on the lowest ranking guy in the project and that of course is me, a team member. There are three others like me in the project. So the shit I get is Client site shit + PL shit + TL shit + C (constant, its mine) '
"I am great and how are you?"
"Similar, so what is the status on the bug?"
‘Oh!! The ‘Status' word very intimidating!!! So what is it with these PL's (project leader), this is not the army. I guess everybody wants to act like some Army General. May be I will give an acronym to his kind of work hmm!! DUSM (Dynamic, Unified, Shit Manufacturer)'
I have to act smart with this guy because he is higher ranked and his rank wields a lot of say and power in the company.
"Yes, the bug basically is a optimization problem, the problem has occurred because of a million by million matrix, that is order of n squared.

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