The Adventures of Cliff Ungar - 01 - The Test by J. Allen Wentworth


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I dialed 911 and hit send. My phone has GPS, so I assumed they could find me. I pressed the record button on my digital camera. I held the stopwatch in my left hand as I raised the glass in my right. As the liquid touched my lips I started the clock. After I drained it I set the glass down and looked at the watch. Seven seconds to finish a pint. I doubt it was any sort of record, but that wasn't what I was timing. I looked into the camera and said, "Ten seconds after consumption. No change." I waited. At regular intervals I stated the time as well as the fact that I felt no ill effects. It took the police twelve minutes and thirteen seconds to show up. By that time, I still felt fine. I showed the officer into my apartment. "Thanks for coming. Is an ambulance on the way?" He said that it should be here shortly. I nodded and pointed to a sheet of paper on the table next to the empty glass. I said, "Those are the poisons that I have ingested today. I marked down the amounts of each and the exact time for each one." The officer gave me a funny look. I guess I would too. I gestured to the video camera. I had stopped it before answering the door. I said, "I video-taped each one." The officer didn't seem to be taking me seriously. The ambulance arrived before he could ask me any questions. I repeated my story to the paramedics. They wasted no time in loading me into the ambulance. The officer followed us to the hospital. They pumped my stomach and ran some tests, but there was nothing wrong with me. The officer threatened to arrest me for making a prank call to 911. I said I was sorry and that it wouldn't happen again. He let me off with a warning. The doctors accepted his explanation of events and said they would be sending me a bill. I took out my credit card and told them that I could pay the bill in full. After that they were much nicer. Nearly four hours after I had started the stopwatch I found myself back at my apartment. My name is Cliff Ungar, and I'm not sure, but I think I might be immortal.