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The SheepOne Solution by Dan Bieger


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Be advised, though, that this year's budget did not include the cost of a new filter system for the station.
One of our number, not particularly versed in the ways of atmospheric engineering, suggested release of a perfume. Order a case of Chanel #50 from earthside and dump it into the system. How expensive could that be? Compared to a new filter system, how expensive could that be? He was a guy, of course. A guy dating a girl who favored Chanel #50. When even she turned on him, that notion went away. The majority opinion, including that of our resident atmo-engineer, was that items such as her Chanel #50 and his Studly #2 were already parts-per-million of the problem and therefore not parts of the solution.
Over three months, the debate raged while management worked the problem. The fact the debate raged in the pub contributed to the actions taken, probably significantly influenced the actions taken. Add to the resulting equation the fact the atmo-engineer had immigrated from Nebraska and the solution makes perfect sense. Well, it becomes a non-linear equation with multiple solutions but the one chosen still makes perfect sense.
You take the guy who knows the ducting system, add the guy who knows the parts-per-million numbers, the gal who knows the filter system, the gal and guy combo who are good with mechanical gizmos, and the trio of leprechauns who fiddle with chemicals for a living, put them all in a malodorous pub for a month of Sundays – a month of nights that felt like Sundays in the pub - and you get the hay-wired contraption that solved the problem.
The solution called for x ppm of bull shit, another x ppm of sheep shit, still another x ppm of corn, wheat, barley, and alfalfa, and a fewx ppm of parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. Insert those extracted x ppm into the already human smell of the locker rooms, and what happens?
The air smelled different that summer.



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