Out to Sea by Zanzibar Province

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SUMMARY: This whole thing is just a light-hearted joke about six crazy people in a boat. I even got the name Anahitri off the side of a bus as it drove past me. Anywho, I was making myself laugh as I wrote it and I hope I do you too. Oh yeah, reader discretion is

Four months in a life raft off the coast of a small island in Polynesia is enough to make anyone crazy. Anahitri knew this well enough because he lived in a raft off the coast of a small island in Polynesia with five other people who were all totally crazy. Every single one of them was a raving lunatic and their craziness was starting to wear at the edges of his own sanity. He had considered killing them all with a rock while they slept but decided against it because then he would have no one to talk to but himself and talking to one's self is a sure sign of craziness so he didn't do it. Also, he doubted he could kill them all with a rock while they slept before one of them was awakened by the sound of a smashing rock and stopped him. He had never killed anyone with a rock before but he had hit other things with rocks and figured hitting a head would be equally loud.

"Ersatz, what time is it?"

"Umm...eleven o'clock AM."

"What? We've been in this God damn raft for five months now and you never once told me that your watch worked! Ersatz, you bastard, when were you planning on telling us?"

"We've only been in this raft for four months, Frank."

"What? You lying bastard, how the hell do you know that?"

"My watch tells me what day it is."

"Really? What day is it?"

"The thirteenth."

"What month?"

"June."

"Summer heat, huh?"

"I guess."

"It always feels like summer in this damn place."

"It's the tropics Frank."

Across from Anahitri sat the man who claimed to be a chaplain. His name was Mitchell Ersatz and he was from Germany and was a liar. He never admitted to being a liar, and denied it whenever he was accused, but everybody knew he was one because his name was Mitchell Ersatz and he was from Germany. He didn't even have a German accent; he sounded French.

"Ersatz, what the hell is that in your pocket?"

"There's nothing in my pocket Frank."

"God damnit Ersatz, that's a damn banana peel. You ate the last damn, fucking banana, you bastard."

"Frank, that banana peel's been in my pocket since before our last landing. It's two weeks old. You ate the last banana, remember?"

"What? You lying bastard, that's why this damn raft stinks to high heaven. Get rid of it right now. Why were you even keeping it in there? That's disgusting Ersatz."

"I like the smell of them. It masks the sweat."

"You like the smell of them? Ersatz, what the hell's wrong with you, it smells like shit."

"Well, they're better fresh. We should make another landing, Frank."

"Yeah, let's get some more banana's. I'm damn hungry."

Frederick Frank sat beside Ersatz and was always saying damn or damnit or God damn, which never seemed to bother Ersatz, and which made Frank call him a liar even more because a real priest would get offended whenever someone took the Lord's name in vain. He hated his parents for naming him Fred Frank but he hated Anahitri's name more and just laughed at him whenever someone called him Fred Frank. Fred Frank was loud, arrogant, and boorish, and he ate bananas in one bite, which really disgusted Anahitri.