(3 ratings) Rate this Story (5 best) 1 2 3 4 5   1 comments /

Maybe he'd just kill Frank, he thought, and pin it on Ersatz. Everyone would believe him because they all knew Ersatz was a lying rat-bastard. Anahitri also thought about the last time he had called Ersatz a lying rat-bastard and decided it was too long ago.

"Ersatz, you're a lying rat-bastard, you know that?"

"He deedn't even say anything."

Ilsa Kruschev stretched to her full length of six feet, one inch, moaning softly as she eased the stiffness out of her sore muscles. Everyone shut up when she did this and watched, as they always did. Ilsa was a former Soviet sniper and the only woman in the raft, which made all the men horny as hell. It didn't help that she was a vision of perfection. The first month in the tub was agony as every man except Ersatz tried unsuccessfully to nail her. There were seven people then, until Ilsa went swimming with the now-dead seventh member of their group, named simply Joe, whom she was attracted to. They had started up a bit in the water as the raft floated away and by the time it returned to pick them up he was dead in the water and Ilsa was laughing like a loon. She said he had died while inside her and that his dead hand kept trying to pull off her top as it bobbed in the water. When she got back in the boat she threw her shirt away and starting fucking anyone who wanted it. Ersatz was the only man who never did and Frank called him a bastard and a faggot for it. Ersatz said it was for religious reasons but he was a liar so no one believed him anyway.

"Yeah, let's go to land so you can get food and I can fuck Ilsa."

"Sounds goood to mee."

Ilsa's accent and husky voice always made her sound tired and bored and she dragged a lot of vowels out. She sat beside a kid named Herschfelder, who sat beside Frank. Herschfelder was half-English, half-Swedish, and half-Jewish, and made a point of telling everyone that he was one-and-a-half times better than they were because he had three halves. He was fiercely proud of his Jewish half and blamed Ersatz personally for the holocaust, which depressed the chaplain because Ilsa blamed him for Stalingrad. Herschfelder was in love with Ilsa and he stuck it to her every chance he got. Anahitri hated him because he was secretly in love with Ilsa too but she scared him so he didn't say anything. He wanted to punch Herschfelder in his little nose but couldn't because there were laws against striking fifteen year olds and he didn't want to go to prison. Whenever he saw a shooting star he wished the laws would abate just long enough for him to punch Herschfelder in his little nose.

"Yeah. Hey Anny, wake up Douche so we can go to land and get banana's."

"Hey Douche, wake up."

"Wha...ow! Who kicked me?"

"C'mon Douche, we're going to land and we need you to keep watch for those damn natives."

"My name isn't Douche."

"Whatever. Anny, start paddling."

"My name isn't Anny you dumb bastard, it's Anahitri."

"Whatever."

Douche's name was actually Deuse, fully William Deuse. He was a Welshman and Anahitri was beginning to suspect that he too was a liar because his name was Deuse and he was from Wales.