"So what are these National Treasures I have to find?" Henry Potty asked.
"The Mega Death Laser 3000, the Bucket of Extra Lives, and the Very Wizardly Hat. The latter can produce bunnies and trick decks of cards, and all manner of wondrous marvels. Some even say..." Here Bumbling Bore paused dramatically. "...it is alive! Most don't, of course, but it's still a groovy accessory."
"And you think I should find all three? Even though I'm up to my ears in quests and items already? I mean, the motorhome's bursting at the seams."
Bumbling Bore nodded sagely. "You also need to find the thirteen treasures of Britain, the fourteen things on my laundry list, the three Unbelievable Curses—"
"Got those," Henry muttered. "You were gullible enough to let Frankenstein teach us in our fourth year."
"...A Golden Ticket, the Subtle Compass, Santa's wishlist, Carmen Santiago, the lost plunger, the Last Manticore, the six great Stopsigns of the Light, a bottle of dehydrated water, the Perfect Chicken Strip, the Used Handkerchief of Destiny Upon Which Angels Themselves..."
"Forget it. I'm just going after the Plot Devices!"
Bumbling Bore nodded sagely. He didn't know any other way to nod. "Then you're a better man than I. You've passed the test. Many would've been tempted by hot babes, unlimited wealth, and domination over the entire earth. But, no, you choose to risk your life destroying the worthless fragments of Lord Revolting."
Henry cleared his throat. "Did you say hot babes?"
Henry Potty and the Deathly Paper Shortage
An Unauthorized Harry Potter Parody
by Valerie Estelle Frankel
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: The Dimness is Rising 1
Chapter 2: My Big Fat Nondenominational Wedding 7
Chapter 3: The League of Extraordinarily Green Things 13
Chapter 4: A Series of Unfortunate Camping Trips 22
Chapter 5: It's a Wonderful Nutcracker 27
Chapter 6: The Phantom Funhouse 35
Chapter 7: National Treasures 43
Chapter 8: Fired from On High 59
Chapter 9: Crossing Over 73
Chapter 10: Are We Done Yet? 83
This book is SUITABLE FOR ALL AGES. Some more so than others.
Even so, this parody may be offensive to the following groups: Pirates, parrots, pirates' parrots, lawyers, telemarketers, vampires, ghosts, ghasts, guests, red-shirted security guards, adolescents, adolescuncles, children, adults, fundamentalists, Spanish Inquisitors, Polish Mafia stooges, minions, vegetarians, humanitarians, new-agers, old-agers, elves, fantasy writers, professors, orcs, puppets, battle droids, frogs, lice, hail, darkness, corpses, and fictional characters.
Within the novel lurk similar weighty issues to those in Harry Potter, including death, birth, rebirth, war, violence, sexual orientation, politics, social commentary, and cafeteria food. If you prefer to experience these issues only on TV, in computer games, on the news, and at school, rather than in books, you should not read further, or even handle this book without adequate protection.
Supplement to the Supplementary Supplement:
In fact, some of the puns are known to be venomous and strike out if they've missed feeding time.
PS: This stand-alone novel, book seven, is the sequel to Henry Potty and the Pet Rock.