Forgetting the Past by Sid Arbaon


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SUMMARY: A vampire tries to forget the one he thought he loved, and the past that she forced him to live. For the November FFC!

Haunting...no other way to explain. Every night, its there- calling me, taunting me with its seductive tongue; up to absolutely no good. I try; I really try to ignore it. There's no turning back- the past is behind me, and I intend for it to stay that way.

But every night, she's there, crying out in pain, pleading with me to come back to her. But I can't- I think even in my dreams, she knows. She knows I can't come back- after my changing, everything...changed. For the worst.

How I pray that night never happened- that it was all just a bad dream. But that's just dry begging from myself; I can't help but laugh bitterly at such nonsense. To think that my otherwise stoic, cold self cries itself to sleep over such things as going back in time and stopping the murder and changing from happening. But it is a fool's wish.

Last night, she came into my dream as usual. She said that she missed me, that her life meant nothing without me. I almost believed her- I was chasing after her, calling her name. But she just looked at me with her ice-cold eyes and said, "Why?" Then I woke up. I was thirsty and upset, so I drank the blood of a passing girl. But even her blood didn't satisfy me. I thought of picking up a random drunk girl from the club for some entertainment, but much to my chagrin, that didn't appeal to me.

As much as I didn't want to admit it, only one thing would satisfy me- seeing the girl of my nightmares, the girl who enjoyed tormenting me in whatever little sleep I managed to rest in. I had to see Trisha.

--

She was relatively silent, her dead eyes looking like glass in her skull. The regular pain of seeing her tugged inside of my heart, but it vanished as quickly as it came.
"Why do you come here?" Her voice reminded me of dead leaves being stepped on. I didn't answer; I just looked at her. "You are not welcome." The dead voice continued.
"Why do you haunt me so?" My voice, cracked in anguish, cried. Trisha looked unsurprised, almost disinterested. It didn't bother me, but still I had to know.
"I only haunt you because you ignore your past." Trisha said slowly.
"My past is my past. I don't long for it as I did." It was lie, but I sure as hell didn't care. Trisha, looking into my eyes, knew this, but said nothing.
"You must embrace your past if you wish for it to leave you." Her words were true, but I didn't want to believe. I wanted to strangle her, to bite into her cold flesh and suck her dry. But that wouldn't help anyone.
"So why won't you leave? Why do you disturb my peace?" It was embarrassing to admit I was almost in tears. Trisha smiled, a devil child's smirk, but despite this, my dead heart could have skipped a beat.
"Because I don't want to leave." Trisha leant forward, her cold hand caressing my skin in the most seductive way. With resolve, I stepped back from her touch.
"I want you gone." I said through gritted teeth.
"That can't happen." Trisha replied with an angelic smile. So used to that smile, I had become...I felt my resolve weaken. But then I though of everything that she had done to me-all I had to put up with. My confidence thickened, and I steeled my heart.
"Watch me." I replied, almost cockily. I turned on my heel, and began to walk to the door.
"Where are you going?" Trisha called from behind me, with a tone of fright in her voice.
"This is me, walking away from my past." I said quietly, then opened the door and shut it behind me as I walked out.

--

The memory vanished and I became as close to myself as possible. I had said to her that I was walking from my past. But she and I both knew that it was possible. No one can walk away from their past. But I can damn well try.