Knuckles vs. Nightstrom by Charles James


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SUMMARY: Superpowers! Sumbitted for the September Flash Fiction Contest.

"Mr. Knuckles, I understand you're suing the defendant, Mr. Nightstrom..."

"Excuse me that's Night STORM, Your Honour."

"Was I talking to you Mr. Nightstrom?"

"Well no, but..."

"Zip it! Ahem... for damages in relation to an incident on the night of August 17th. Could you explain further?"

"Uh, yeah, see I was at the bank when this guy here shows up and starts getting all in my face. I was just mindin' my own business, you know. Then ‘fore I knows it, he unleashes a lightning bolt on my ass. It nearly stopped my heart. It gave me third degree burns on my chest and feet, and it fried my shoes. Then he ties me up and hangs a note on my chest for the police. The donut-eating morons don't even show up for like an hour. I finally get to the hospital and they hook my up to machines, call in some kind of specialist and all that. When I got out they handed me a bill for four thousand dollars. I ain't got insurance Your Honour."

"So you're suing for four thousand dollars for medical bills?"

"Plus four hundred and seventeen for the gun he took from me and one hundred ninety-eight ninety-nine... for the shoes."

"He's not telling the whole truth Your Honour."

"Did I tell you to speak, Mr. Nightstrom? Hmm? Zip it! Ahem... now, Mr. Knuckles, why would Mr. Nightstrom have reason to unleash a lightning bolt on your ass?"

"I dunno. He got a beef or somethin' with my employer."

"That's Mr. The Shadow Clown?"

"Yeah. See this guy in the blue spandex here's been all over town, getting in the faces of my coworkers, harassing us, assaulting us. He's just bad news."

"Mr. Nightstrom. Have you been harassing the employees of Mr. The Shadow Clown?"

"He killed my parents..."

"I didn't ask about your parents. Have you or have you not been involved in previous altercations with this man's coworkers?"

"Uh, Your Honour? I have records to prove that he has."

"Let me see them, Mr. Knuckles."

"I don't believe this. Those are police records of criminal arrests of everyone who works for the Shadow Clown. Those arrests were made because I thwarted his plans for enslavement of the human race."

"Mr. Nightstrom, these are lengthy legal documents that prove Mr. Knuckles' point. They show you have assaulted and forcibly confined six of this man's coworkers. And you killed one pet giant spider."

"The spider was eating a school bus full of children."

"Now back to the night in question. Mr. Nightstrom, this is where you get to speak. Tell me your version of events."

"Finally. Your Honour, at approximately one o'clock in the morning, I saw that someone had blown a hole in the wall of the bank. Using my Eye of the Storm sight, I peered inside to see Knuckles Malone inside working on the safe. When I entered to stop him, he tried to shoot me. Luckily I was able to call on the Winds of Chaos to deflect the rounds. And when he attacked me with a crowbar, I used Zeus's Lightning to stop him."

"So let me get this straight... you were out just strolling around at one in the morning, you broke privacy and protection of information laws to look inside a private business, you trespassed, you stole an expensive weapon and then you assaulted Mr. Knuckles?"

"No!"

"Mr. Nightstrom, that's exactly what you just told me."

"I'm the good guy here. I stand for truth, order and justice."

"This is a civil courtroom Mr. Nightstrom, not a comic book! The rule of law is based on the presentation of evidence and a balance of probabilities."

"But Your Honour, that's absurd. Knuckles was robbing a bank!"

"You can argue all you want Mr. Nightstrom, but that does not change the fact that you assaulted Mr. Knuckles and that he has medical bills to pay."

"He tried to shoot me!"

"Judgement for the Plaintiff in the amount of four thousand six hundred fifteen dollars and ninety nine cents."