SeaWeed- A Bobby Steiner Adventure
A short story by William Hrdina writing as William Traveler
Bobby Steiner sat in front of his television watching Whale Wars- the show on the Discovery channel about the eco-nuts who chase the Japanese whaling boats around the ocean. Bobby always got a kick out of the show because it created an interesting internal dilemma. On the one hand, he hated whaling. But on the other- the people on the boat combating the whalers were all morons. So much so, Bobby often ended up rooting for the whalers- just so the dumbasses would feel bad about themselves.
Usually, when Bobby watched Whale Wars, he liked to smoke pot- it added to his enjoyment of the show. Okay, the truth is, Bobby liked to smoke pot no matter what he was doing- watching TV, going to class, or taking his dog Crosby for a walk.
There was no pot smoking during today's episode though- Bobby's stash was cashed. He'd given his dealer money- three days earlier- but the pot was still nowhere to be seen. This was the most frustrating thing about interacting with pot dealers- they were usually high- and therefore, prone to laziness. This annoyed Bobby to no end. It was the worst kind of waiting because he had absolutely no real way of knowing if the phone call was going to come in ten minutes- or ten days.
Bobby's friend Gary sat on the couch next to him, watching Whale Wars too. Gary liked to smoke pot almost as much as Bobby- but he wasn't as annoyed at the time- because he'd taken one of his wife's Valiums right before he came over.
Getting himself riled up, Bobby said, "Everything about the process of scoring annoys me. I drive by hundreds of bars that sell liquor- a much more harmful drug that pot. I drive by stores that have big signs on them that say, ‘Drugs,' but they don't sell pot. They'll sell me stuff I can use to make Crystal Meth- white trash crack- but I can't buy marijuana. It's a plant whose flower is so naturally prevalent- it has the nickname "weed." But can I get my hands on any? Nope. I have to go through a whole bunch of convoluted interactions with the Black Market and pay outrageous mark-up fees."
Gary was sympathetic- but after ten minutes or of relatively redundant ranting, he said, "Look, Bobby, why don't you do something about it? You're always complaining. Grow your own or something."
They lapsed into a momentary silence while they watched the guys on Whale Wars. The warriors were standing on the deck of their boat- and whipping bottles of some acid that would spoil the whale meat for selling. The whalers, in turn, were spraying the anti-whalers with a high pressure water cannon- usually used to spray the whale gore off of the deck.
Gary continued, "I mean, look at these guys- they believe in something- they're doing it. They're not just talking about how people shouldn't kill whales- they're doing something about it- or at least they're trying."
Bobby watched the TV and said, "There's just no way you could get away with what they're doing on land.