The Many Benefits of Godzilla Power
A Short Parable by William Hrdina
"No no, it's perfectly safe." The guide assured me, blinking only rarely. She was pretty, with bright blue- terrifyingly blank- eyes and hair that smelled of cotton candy.
I stood looking up at the great beast Godzilla- over 150 feet of pure giant lizard fury. Every once and a while a burst of flames escaped from his massive jaws. The cage they were holding him in was indeed impressive. I looked back at my guide.
"You're sure this is safe?"
She smiled, patronizing, "Oh yeah, absolutely. Look at Godzilla's wrists. They are being held by shackles made of pure anodized steel- over a foot thick. Those wrist cuffs are attached to chains strong enough to suspend an ocean liner full of fat tourists. Look around his waist- that thick band of steel and carbon fiber- it's almost unbreakable. And again, chains thick enough to hold an army of Herculeses. And finally, his ankles, all of the above applies- and then some. So yes, he's absolutely safe."
"But say the unthinkable were to happen- like an earthquake- or Mothra attacks- something like that."
"That's not going to happen."
"It's happened before- Mothra and Gajira and Megalon- even Mecha Godzilla."
"Yeah, but it's not going to happen again."
"Let's say it does, humor me. Say it happens and Godzilla breaks free- what is the result?"
"Okay, speaking only theoretically- that'd be an absolute catastrophe. Cities destroyed- thousands dead- a bad scene."
"Okay, so, that doesn't give you pause?"
"No,sir, I told you, it's perfectly safe."
I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.
"It's safe. But if it isn't safe, it's catastrophic." I repeat, hoping to make my point clear.
"Yes." She agrees. "It's safe."
She apparently didn't hear the second half of my statement. I change the subject.
"What are those guys doing over there in the little room?"
"Oh yes, that's the state of the art Godzilla control room. We spared no expense. That's how I know we're safe."
I look into the control room, about 10 technicians in lab coats scurryied back and forth in front of hundreds of dials and sensors and meters. They looked at handheld computers and wrote things down.
"Why are they doing all of that?"
"Well, if you don't keep an incredibly close eye on Godzilla, he could escape his bonds and go on a rampage. You have to be careful."
"You just said it was safe."
"It is safe. We monitor everything."
"You don't have to be careful around things that are safe. Cute and fuzzy bunnies are safe- you don't need a room of people to monitor cute and fuzzy bunnies. If Godzilla was safe, you wouldn't need a room full of people to monitor him. That's the definition of safe- something you don't have to monitor or be careful around."
"Yes sir, it's safe. That's what I just said."
Resisting the urge to bang my head against the wall, I said, "What you're saying makes no sense."
"It's safe sir, there's nothing to worry about. We monitor the Godzilla."
Again, I tried to change the subject, I saw a bunch of signs saying "Beware the Poo."
"What are those signs about?" I asked, pointing.
"Well, his poo is a problem."
"Godzilla's poo- is a problem?"
"What about it is problematic?"
"His poo makes people very sick.