-In memoriam lunaticae-
I have neither a story nor a memory. I had woken up that day, and I had found myself in an empty room, lying in the middle. Everything was white, what a color, pardon, it's not a color. The whiteness of a cold winter mixed up with the brightness of a mild spring and the result led to a static artificiality.
However, at first it had been a thick darkness. Darkness is the place where we can't see, hear or speak. Everything that enters here tears apart into sand and is carried away by wind to nowhere. Nothing moves. Nothing exists. I stand there in a deep black sleep. I don't really know if I exist, but somehow I feel that someone will wake me up someday. Waiting will be an eternity.
A drop of light!
First, I have heard a sound. Something has started to pulse, to pound in a constant manner. It is my heart. Then a drop of light has invaded my mind, and my synapses have been brought back to life by an electric impulse. My consciousness has been born. This is my ego- the seed of a human being.
And slowly my eyes were opened. I met the pain, an awful and horrible pain. My muscles ached, but I couldn't move. I was completely stiff even if no rope bounded me. It was difficult for my body to remain chained for such a long period. What's more, a silent, repressed pain was in my ears. Only after some minutes, my body became easier and easier, almost like a light feather. My movements were blurry, my arms melted like wax, my nerves were mobile and flexible. It was much easier to move then, so I started to explore the surroundings by looking around.
"Why am I in this place I don't recognize?" I moaned and these words went and came back, and again went and came back obsessively until I started to scream with a loud voice. The walls swallowed my thoughts, kept them for a while and send them back in my mind like an echo. The four walls were surrounding me and they were not silent at all, that was for sure. If the wall had been silent, it wouldn't have returned my words. It screamed with a loud voice too, I wasn't the only one screaming. They surely kept a secret. Clearly, there was more than meets the eye to them. Energy radiated from them without being good. Their color, while being inoffensive and pleasant, hid a dark secret. It might sound like animist thoughts, but they were not, since I only wanted to know why I was there. A closed room without doors or windows was the place I had got stuck. It seemed more like a cube than a room. Gazing at the walls, I felt nothing, my state was amorphous, shapeless and my soul was empty. Emptiness inundated the white room and lived in my soul too. There wasn't a big difference between us. "The cube" wasn't even illuminated. I didn't know how it could be "enlightened" by its whiteness. A dark atmosphere filled the air, in contrast to the color of the place. Or, if I would reconsider things, maybe the whole malice was cleaned and swept with pain and tears a long time ago, and I shouldn't worry about the dust of the past that had gone away.
" Why am I always thinking of the past? And why do I always dig for something deeper? I sighed inexpressively, while laying my arms down.