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My best friend Chuck told me I'm becoming as reclusive as a Alaskan fur trapper in the deep wilderness, If he knew the half of it he would have added and as socially cut off too.

But I'm staying home today because the woman whom I have been slowly working my way closer to inch by inch has no one to be with on thanksgiving, as a show of gallantry I decide to spend the day chatting with her instead.

It was a marvelous day, I learned her name is Cyndi And she comes from a small town in Iowa. She was raised a farm girl but moved to the city with her husband that she is soon to be divorced from, She is only alone this day because her children are visiting their Dad in Michigan.

I also found out she has a wonderful sense of humor, she misses her family but they are in rural upstate New York and she can't afford to go there for thanksgiving and still afford Christmas for her kids. My heart pours out to this woman I have yet to see. Her words mean no less than those of the people I see with my eyes ,the emotions I feel at this moment are no less real than the ones I have when I am around those that I love.

So why do I feel so strange about this relationship, I continually ask myself this question over and over during that joyous day of bonding with her. We joke around and say it's a companionship out of convenience and agree that if we happen to be online at the same time we will just kind of hang out and enjoy each others company. All my friends all think I was wasting my time.

Well It's Christmas eve and I'm sitting here alone, I have a lump in my stomach, And I am not sure how my life got turned so upside down. The day after Thanksgiving is where it began to unravel is what I think. If I could get my head full of twisted thoughts to think straight I'm sure that would be my answer.

It started innocently enough with the suggestion that I should call, I at the time thought it would be a wonderful idea. I asked for her phone number, she said I have a cell number you can call me at. So the very next morning I was up early, the time difference allowed that she would be at work, before dawn broke on my horizon, I would have a chance to talk to her before I myself went too work.

I Go to my computer to retrieve the e-mail with the phone number on it, I find a nice card with a smiley face and a cute note describing how it was I made her heart fill with joy. It was the happiest moment I remember before I started my descent into the abyss of broken dreams.

I reached for the phone and dial the number she gave me, it rings and suddenly a voice answers, my heart skips a beat, a sudden rush of euphoria strikes my legs a wobbling blow. Her voice is like that of angels, it lights the dark kitchen I sit in.

How could I ever be so lucky as too find such a gift from god I ask myself, we converse about nothing for hours it seems, then it's time for me too leave for work. For many days I get up and find a nice note in my e-mail, usually I call the minute I receive it.