fairy tale - comments welcome

Discussion in 'Writing' started by 999, Sep 15, 2009.

  1. 999

    999 New Member

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    post del by autor

    thanks for the comment!
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2009
  2. N. E. White

    N. E. White tmso Staff Member

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    That's an interesting tale 999. This is supposed to be a children's story?

    Forgive my ignorance, I haven't read a children's book, well, since I was a kid, but this seems a bit abrupt to have Mr. Sloggy eat the witches. Is Mr. Sloggy supposed to be mean and scary? And, well, why are the witches in his house? Also, what does Mr. Sloggy look like? I was curious.

    Other than those questions, I found your story...well, interesting and surprisingly well written for a second language attempt. I speak Spanish and I KNOW I couldn't write as well as you have in English, in Spanish. Did that make sense?

    Anyway, again, I know absolutely nothing about children stories but I thought, in general, children stories usually have some sort of message. Like, if you don't listen to your parents, Mr. Sloggy will come and eat you. Or, if you don't share your food, Mr. Sloggy is going to come and eat you. In your story, Mr. Sloggy does eat the witches but, well, it didn't seem to have the life lesson that I was expecting.

    Anyway, just some thoughts and my two cents worth. Keep at it! I think you have the skills, just have to put it all together.

    Good luck!
     
  3. 999

    999 New Member

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    thank you for the productive comments!!!
    atb
    999