Hook me in 25 words or less

Discussion in 'Collaborative Stories' started by MrBF1V3, Sep 5, 2007.

  1. MrBF1V3

    MrBF1V3 aka. Stephen B5 Jones

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2004
    Messages:
    2,307
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    123
    I'm stealing, I mean borrowing this idea from at least two other forums.

    Though we all know that the hook is not the story, there is still a sense in which the first few words of a story are kind of important. (I generally give it a chapter or two before I consider giving up.) So this is practice. Give it your best shot. Write, in 25 words or less the first sentence or so of a story, be it a story you've already done, or one you might right some day.

    Also, feel free to rate the "hooks" before yours. Don't be unkind.

    And, to be fair, I should go first.

    B5
     
  2. Wiggin

    Wiggin New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2007
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    I'm confused. Are the elves outside, standing in a field, or are they very good at whatever it is they do?

    Here's one of mine:
     
  3. Konrad

    Konrad Member of Team Kronos

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2006
    Messages:
    248
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Good, I liked yours. I´ll give it a try:

     
  4. Bob Lock

    Bob Lock Registered User

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2006
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    The crow on my chest cocked its head and leered at me before driving its beak into my eye. I couldn’t complain. I was dead.

    I like Konrad's
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2007
  5. kater

    kater Filthy Assistants!

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Messages:
    5,545
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    171
    Sharp start Bob, I'm liking the relaxed undead guy/gal already :)

    “Correct me if I’m wrong but you’re having the Apocalypse to oust God and live in peace?”
     
  6. James Somers

    James Somers author:chroniclesofsoone

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2007
    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Cool Thread Guys...may I try?

    I went slightly over the 25 word count, but you get the picture.:eek:

    James
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2007
  7. MrBF1V3

    MrBF1V3 aka. Stephen B5 Jones

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2004
    Messages:
    2,307
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Slightly?:eek:

    Try again, and edit this time. However, your subject matter was interesting.

    B5

    Multiple submissions are allowed.:)
     
  8. Wiggin

    Wiggin New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2007
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Here are some openings from my favorite author, Jorge Luis Borges:

     
  9. Monty Mike

    Monty Mike Journalist

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    1,813
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    We're not talking about just any chicken. We're talking about Steven's chicken. The one that eats zombies.

    LOL, excuse the stupidity, I couldn't resist! :D
     
  10. Moonfoot

    Moonfoot New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    "She lay fallen, throbbing, trying not to breath. The little man inside her head came out with a stern look, then gave way to tears."
     
  11. Power to the J

    Power to the J Catacomb Kid

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2007
    Messages:
    557
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Seems cool....

    Mostly about killing--sorry, it's how I think.

    No offense to anybody else, but I like Konrad's the most.
     
  12. Merancapeman

    Merancapeman Zombie Glomp

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2003
    Messages:
    308
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    You may ask how I ended up in this dark cave, but it would be better to ask the beast that chased me here.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2007
  13. MrBF1V3

    MrBF1V3 aka. Stephen B5 Jones

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2004
    Messages:
    2,307
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    123
    ... And where exactly is that beast now Merancapeman? I would just have to read on.

    Here's one for my minimalist stage:

    B5
     
  14. Susan Boulton

    Susan Boulton Edited for submission

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2002
    Messages:
    4,239
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    123

    Actually the above has just happened at the bottom of the lane! I blame the loose chipping from the resurfacing of the road. Folks keep sliding across the crossroads...
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2007
  15. Konrad

    Konrad Member of Team Kronos

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2006
    Messages:
    248
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ok the second try:
    Perhaps a little abstract?
     
  16. SheepSalesman

    SheepSalesman Reg. Prof. of Chronology

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2007
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    For Konrad's before mine- perhaps a bit too abstract, and I've always hated complex sentences to start off a story. That's just me though.


    Before one of my own, here's the opener to Good Omens that I've always loved.

    "It was a nice day. All the days had been nice. There had been rather more than seven of them so far, and rain hadn't been invented yet."


    Now here's one of my own:

    "It is a widely known fact that time is, at best, a loose suggestion. Most people won’t accept this fact, but they know it none-the-less."
     
  17. Wiggin

    Wiggin New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2007
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Is that from a travel guide to India? :)
     
  18. SheepSalesman

    SheepSalesman Reg. Prof. of Chronology

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2007
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Haha, unfortunately no.

    Here's another opener to another story of mine that follows the same character.

    "Shortly after realizing that he was Plato, Brandon threw himself of the top of the twenty-four story building. On the way down, he had..."
     
  19. Gkarlives

    Gkarlives Mystic and Misfit

    Joined:
    May 25, 2005
    Messages:
    695
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    51
    This looks like way to much fun.

    "The armies had fought for days unending, but the real desecration was just about to begin and for nothing more then arrogance."
     
  20. Dawnstorm

    Dawnstorm Master Obfuscator

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2003
    Messages:
    2,326
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    121
    "Gardening?"