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xiabhanna
July 19th, 2001, 05:49 PM
Hi, all! I'm new here, but I like what I've seen so far... I have already taken the plunge and submitted the story, "Foundlings" so naturally I'm eager to read everyone's opinion. I think http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif I'm ready for any critique that comes my way, so bring it on!!
I'm really looking forward to hearing from you!!

Erebus
July 19th, 2001, 10:43 PM
Wow! I really enjoyed this little gem.

Rarely have I had the opportunity to comment on such an original story. You write with a remarkable and pleasing maturity, and with this, compelling tale, your characters truly shone through the darkness of their predicament. Your style reminded me a little of my own and I raced through your words eager to discover what suprises you had in store for the reader at the story's climax.

Perhaps this was the only portion of the tale that was a little lacking; for me at least! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif Whilst certainly sufficient in its content, I was left hungering for a just a little more.

Technically, there was little to fault, other than for a few typos etc. Your prose and dialogue flowed so well I can only presume that you'd read and re-read the story many times, thus ensuring its obvious polish.

I'd really like to read more of your stories, of which I'm sure you must have many. If not, then it's us, your readers, who are missing out on your startling potential as an influential writer!

Well done!

Cheers,

Neil www.wn.com.au/clubclad/erebus/ (http://www.wn.com.au/clubclad/erebus/)



[This message has been edited by erebus (edited July 20, 2001).]

xiabhanna
July 20th, 2001, 05:21 AM
Thank you, erebus! You have truly made my morning!! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

KATS
July 20th, 2001, 06:14 AM
First of all, Iíd like to say that the style and flow of the story was indeed well done.

I would however caution you on the content. In my book my main character also has some scenes similar to those in this story, however after much internal debate, I increased her age and cut out some of the more descriptive scenes. I was concerned that those scenes would turn readers off, which is the last thing I want to do. I originally wrote the scenes because I wanted a strong emotional response from the reader. I wanted to drive home how horrible my characterís life was and I wanted the reader to be drawn in to my characterís plight. Iíve concluded that most readers donít want to read about the rape / abuse of a ten year old. It happens, believe me, I know, but readers donít want to be reminded. And there are other ways of drawing the reader into my characterís life. I only mention this because I know of a few readers who would not finish your story due some of your scenes.

Personally, however, I enjoyed reading the story. You seem to have a great deal of insight into your characters.

enazwo
July 20th, 2001, 07:57 AM
Kudos, praise, and adoration

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. Typing errors were the only thing I found wrong. You are a story teller. You do not get bogged down in adjectives, like I do. I was so impressed. You have talent. Do more. Submit this story somewhere. Great job
enazwo

Erebus
July 20th, 2001, 02:53 PM
The pleasure was all mine, Xiabhanna!

Like I said, the story construction itself was largely faultless, and I'm not about to crucify a fellow writer for simple typing errors! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

I didn't have a problem with the story's content; sure it's dark and somewhat sombre, but you handled those scenes, that perhaps some would turn away from, with a deft hand and commensurate maturity. It was , in my opinion at least, not unnecessarily graphic or explicit, but a wonderfully written description of the very real horrors sometimes faced in the very real world we all live in. Sure, it's not a story for kids, but then, many posted here aren't!

KATS, I'm curious about your characters and stories now, especially the ones you mention here. When are we going to be treated to some of your stuff here? If your stories are constructed half as well as your posts I've seen here, then bring them on, I say! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif

Cheers,

Neil

xiabhanna
July 20th, 2001, 03:33 PM
Thanks again everyone for the feedback! I'm going to have to read through it again to find the typos (I'm just mortified that I missed them! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif)

I would love to read all your work, too, since you were so kind as to read mine... is there a best way to find out who's done what, or have I just not surfed enough on the site to find it myself??

Thanks again!!

Erebus
July 20th, 2001, 04:46 PM
Well, I have a few bits and pieces posted here:

A short story which was written for a contest (and scored me a runners-up place to boot!) called Ghost of Elysium. The story's character I eventually expanded into an integral part of the second book in my fantasy trilogy, The Erebus Equilibrium. There's extracts from the first two books, Reflections and The Anvil Amulet here, as well as the short story. Just find the relevant categories from the main SFFWorld page. There's also a review for Reflections and my author category is "C" (Neil Cladingboel). Hopefully you should be able to find all that's here for me, otherwise, you can find samples of my novels etc. on the Download page at my web site: www.wn.com.au/clubclad/erebus/ (http://www.wn.com.au/clubclad/erebus/)


[This message has been edited by erebus (edited July 20, 2001).]

xiabhanna
July 20th, 2001, 06:05 PM
Erebus - I just read Ghost of Elyssium, and are styles are indeed similar...

xiabhanna
July 20th, 2001, 06:26 PM
...and, erebus, I meant to continue with: I visited your site this morning, also... heh heh... if I could keep my mind on one thing at a time, right? I am looking forward to reading more - from EVERYONE!!