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tooeviltoknow
March 31st, 2005, 06:56 PM
My cousin and I are planning on doing a collaborated story, the only problem is that we can't get the introduction right. The story involves three planes of reality that are connected. A mage somehow connects the three reality together and it's causing natural destruction throughout the other two realm... or something like that.

We've been thinking and the intro comes down to this one

Arkfinne

The 5th year after Julian's conquest, day 162nd of the Perpetual year, as recounted by Jun.

Something flashed into existance; a light, not just any but a Mage's light, or was it cold fire? One can never be too sure what those Mages called it nowadays.

Does it really matter? Jun removed his sword from its scabbard; it doesn't feel right in his hand.

Earth

Eve felt it, she looked around franticly, trying to see if any of the others noticed anything out of the ordinary. Again, there was that feeling. A shift in the air current that almost always come before they appeared. Eve tried her best to avoid them, but it was hard to do when their barriers blocked her means of escape.

One thing that Eve knows is that they could only see her after those barriers were up, this gave her time to escape, and if she can't, the least she could do is hide. She made her way across the cafeteria; so much for food, she thought.

There's still more work to be done, but so far what do you guys think?

Expendable
March 31st, 2005, 08:04 PM
I'm sorry, its not grabbing me.

Eve and Jun seem too far removed from it, I have no idea what two or three realms coming together looks like.

TheEarCollector
March 31st, 2005, 10:44 PM
I didn't really understand it, maybe I just need a more solid description of the surroundings or something but scabbard and cafeteria don't really go together (maybe a mess hall, but even that is stretching it).
I also didn't feel like I knew where it was going, I actually had to read everything a few times before I realized where YOUR question was and where the intro was.

Zanzibar
April 1st, 2005, 11:17 AM
Maybe you could tell us all who they are and why they're gunning for Eve. More info about the story would definitely generate interest.