I have decided to post these two chapters together as they were not that long. I do hope it picks up the pace of my story, as I know it did slow down a little in chapter 2.
Let me know what your thoughts, please http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif
September 29th, 2001, 05:41 PM
Hi rune, I've been waiting for this follow-up on your story. Glad to see it's finally up on the site.
Actually, I read it a few days ago already but I haven't had the time to tell your my thoughts before now. Sorry about that. Hope I can still remember everything.
I think chapter 3 & 4 flowed well. A lot happened but there were still room for dialogue and for some hints on Geran and his parents. It felt nice to read.
It did pick up the pace quite a lot, although I didn't feel that chapter two was too slow. But if you plan to merge all the chapters of 'Seducer of Souls' into one unbroken story, you might want to consider when and how to change the pace rather carefully. If the pace changes too often in a story, I think it risks damaging the "cohersion" somehow.
I did manage to find some spelling errors but I think they are steadily getting fewer and farther in between as the story progresses. They were definitely not an issue, at least not for me (but then again, English isn't my first language so I might not be the best suited to judge these matters).
You choose to put up chapter 3 & 4 together as one, since they were very short. It was fine, but it did make me wonder why you wrote it as two chapters in the first place? As far as I see it, you could just as well had put it all in one chapter and just used the '* * * * * *' marker instead of starting a whole new chapter where you did.
Anyway, as I said I really liked this part too. The story of Ann and her friends (and foes) is coming along nicely and is still evolving in depth and scope. I look forward to read the next chapter.
September 29th, 2001, 06:04 PM
ok.. where's chap.5?
just kidding, you can't hurry these things.
with the absense of real critqueing, I offer cheerleading.
[This message has been edited by Songwind (edited September 29, 2001).]
September 29th, 2001, 06:21 PM
Just read this little extra taste of your tale - I wonder where it's all heading?
I may have to go back through your earlier chapters as I don't remember you calling Draken Geran before, and it had me a little confused for a second or two - but that's just me! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif
Overall, I felt that perhaps these chapters were a little rushed, (maybe to appease the eager readers) and I felt they could benefit from a little re-reading and editing to take care of the spelling and grammar mistakes, which as Nicba said, are getting fewer as your tale progresses. Maybe there also needs to be a little more detail concerning Ann's (brief) emancipation? It just seemed to jump a bit too much, IMO.
So, how far away is the conclusion, Rune? It's certainly an intriguing tale and has many of us awaiting its climax. Keep up the good work!
[This message has been edited by erebus (edited September 29, 2001).]
September 30th, 2001, 04:25 AM
I want to thank everyone for their support and also their useful comments. I realise that i do skimp a bit on detail, I feel i need to with this story else it would be come far too long.
If i had intended it to be much longer I would have put in more detail about Ann's imprisonment in the little room and a bit more about the Draken family relationship. Obviously all through this story (including the firsts 2 parts) there has been room to fill in on details of all the characters.
I thought it best to relate to Draken by his first name in this more personal approach to him. I think (but i am not total sure mind) that I put him over as Geran in the first story when he is meditating to find Ann (when she first arrives). I know the re-written version as that in, but i cant remember if i posted that version on here.
This part of my story does focus mostly on the relationship between Ann and the evil king, but i do hope to bring a few surprises in yet.
Chapter 5 should be posted soon, it brings in more dilemmas and choices for her friends http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif