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Roxanne Knight
May 15th, 2005, 06:32 PM
Come into my world.
Enter the night,
See what I see,
Feel what I feel.

Come into my world.
Awaken from your dreams.
Open your eyes,
Let in the darkness.
What do you see,
In my world?

Come out! Come out!
Into the night!
Hear my call,
In this demonic light.

I smell your fear.
You know I'm here.
But see me, you do not.
But see you, I definitely do!

I am forever,
And this I offer you,
Love beyond love,
Life beyond life.
I offer you
The kiss of immortality.

Expendable
May 16th, 2005, 05:32 PM
Things tend to wander through this poem but the imagery is good. It's a fair poem.

michaelS0620
May 16th, 2005, 06:26 PM
Not bad at all. I think the first three stanzas are pretty solid. The fourth stanza needs a bit of work though.


I smell your fear.
You know I'm here.
But see me, you do not.
But see you, I definitely do!

The rhymes here are a bit forced, and the last two lines need to be reworked. I wouldn't focus too much on the rhymes here. The last stanza is pretty good as well. Actually, I think if you just dropped the fourth stanza you would be fine.

Michael