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Megris Vernin
June 18th, 2005, 10:04 AM
was in a room. A white room. I dont mean a room that is colored white, but full of white light. There was no color...nothing. I saw no shades of red, blue, or green. Was I color blind. Was I dreaming. What was this place. I dont remember getting here. Wait...I dont remembering being anywhere. Where was I...What was happening to me. I searched my mind for answers to questions that would not come. Who was I. I didn't know...My past, my history. I knew nothing. It was as if...I was just born. I was just there...I searched deeper into my mind and found something. It was only a couple of seconds long, but it was an image. I tried to see what it was and screamed.

Blood! Blood! Everywhere. Death...No!!!!...The fires...The death....the fire....Noooo!!!!!....I can see a dead face....No.....The hatred and evil. My mind reeled from the dark and sinister memory. I was remmembering something terrible. I could not go back through it, I could not even remember what I had seen. but it was terrible. Something dark...something horrible. I remembered bodies...lots of bodies....

As I fought to regain my composure, I once again took notice of the room around me. It was non-descript. There was nothing there. Only white...no chaires....no corners....no walls....only white. I struggled to comprehend what this meant. Was I insane....Was my mind on the fritz. How could any place in the world look like this. It was impossible. It wasn't natural. The I looked down...What I saw was an even greator shock...

My body was all white...Just like the walls...I could barely even see the faint outline of my moving arms. I was draped in the same material that the walls around me were made of. I pulled at the white.....stuff... covering my arm. With massive effort and use of my teeth I was able to pull it off. I saw my skin, or what at least it was. My skin was tan...I dont know how I knew it. The color was ....tan.... I understood it, yet the knowledge came unbidden into mind. I don't know how I knew it, but I did.

I looked once again around the room. I began to walk towards a wall?and kept walking. I never came any closer, or any farther away for that matter. It was as if I was thousands of miles away. For a few more minutes I vainly tried touch it, to feel something solid. Yet I never came closer. I was trapped in....some kind of void...I was here and yet...not here...

For the first time in my short life I felt fear, and it was horrible. My palms were sweating...my heart was beating. I could feel my breath increase, my blood flow strengthen. I felt rage and anger boil up through me. Adrenaline came through my veins, filling me with a desire to to something. I looked at my arm and saw the tan skin. Somehow I knew if I punctured it, something red would come out. A red thing..."blood" said something from the back of my mind. I took my arm and slammed it against the white floor..


A voice, disconnected and vague but still there, called out to me. "Stop it said." I thought maybe it was my own mind, maybe it was some...distant corner of me that desired my self preservation. But...no..it was real. I continued to vatter my hand again the floor, peeling off more of the white paint and showing the tender pink skin underneath. "Stop, please," the voice said, with an added sense of urgency.

This time I was able to pinpoint the position of the voice. It came from above me. Barely noticable to the casual observer, I spotted a set of holes in the ceiling. My mind began to race with possibilities. "Maybe I was not mad," I thought. Could it be possible I had....My mind searched, but could not find the suitable word. "Amnesia," said the hidden knowledge in my mind." You have amnesia. I knew it. That word...it seemed to fit....

A red light was lt in the speaker box, as if it was waiting for a response. Being unknowledgeable of to say, I remained silent. Too many unanswered questsions raced through myt mind. They obscured whatever clear thoughts I might have, so intent was I on answering them. So I consented to stop hurting myself and stare at the box. I stared at the six holes in the ceiling. For a while I did nothing but watch. This speaker box was the only sensry input since I had become...aware.

If it did not answer, I would desecend back into darkness. My mind would fade into oblivion, leaving only an empty shell behind. In a soft and muffled tone, the speaker box spoke again. It was done in a way that made me wonder if its speaker had intended me to here it. I could only catch glimpses of the conversation, but I heard enough to shock my mind more than anything else I had observed in this strange white world.

"..He is aw.re? ....could he know ..nything? What do ... mean he co..ld have deve.... some basi. ...ory... That is....ossible. How ..ould he....of do... at .e is the ...ist test ...ject to ...en not die. It is ... possible for him to ....member ...thing. His .ind... ould ....be a clean ..... he should have no ...oughts..... or ires..... I will...invest....is."

I could barely hear the conversation, but my mind filled in the blanks. Whoever was holding me here, had ....done something to me. I was not...as I was. They expected me to be mindless, to be a useless drone. But I would never submit to that. With my few memories in shambles, I would never again submit to the darkness. I would rather die then give up who I was...or at least whatI had learned so far. My body tensed and I felt true hatred for the first time. I prepared to fight, most likely to my death.

Almost as if in response to my heightened agression, a hole in the wall appeared. It is not as if a door just opened...it just appeared. The outline of a 3 by 8 hole appeared in the wall. Then suddenly...there was an opening. Bright light streamed through, becoming ever more brillant by the reflective quality of the walls. Yet beneath this masive ray of light, the outline of a figure could be seen. It wasn't tall, or particularly large.

The figure stepped forward and made an odd gesture with his hand. As if in respons,e the hole disappeared, leaving not even so much as a line or mark from where it had come. The light suddenly vanished and I got a good look at the person in front of me. He was about 5 feet tall and 5 inches. The man was dressed in, in..."The garb of a scientist," my inner voice whispered. Yes, the garb of a a 'scientist'. How did I know that word. It was just one more mysery upon all others that I had to solve.

The scientist had hair that was...brown. He was old perhaps...50? His face and hands were wrinkled and seemed to sag against him. Yet the man's face and demeanor held an inner strength that was far greater than his body's. I could feel an aura of passion and power eminent from him. The scientist seemed shocked to have me watch him so intently. Apparently he was not expecting anything such as that from me.

"Speak dog," the scientist said. I reconized his voice from over the radio. I noticed his tone and remembered what he had said previously. Obviosuly he did not think much of me. Yet in a way I did not feel disrespected. I had just become aware, after all. I stood up straight and spoke right back to him.

"Dont call me that. I dont appreciate being treated in such a manner." The scientist seemed surprised, not by my words as much as my ability to speak at all. The man's aura of dignity and pride temporarily faultered. Yet quickly a smug expression crossed his face.

"You can speak can you. Don't worry, you want have much to say in a while. You are an obvious failre and shall be done away with." The man's words aggraveted me with their cruelty and obvious assumption of my submission. I would never give up. I would not allow myself to be silenced, either by this man or by any other. A strange source of power gre up in me. I began to tap into reserves of stregth and mental power that I never knew I possessed.

The air around me began to thicken and swirl. It became charged with energy, power that was not normal or natural. The scientist tried to brush of this change in the atmosphere as some accident with the air ventilation system. Yet his blissgul ignorance became shattered when he saw the look of concetration on my face. I felt a desire, a pasion to live. Despite my relatively short life, I ...could not give up. Then I heard some strange words..."He can't be using those genes". The activator D.N.A. has not been used yet. These words came not from me, but from elsewhere. Then I realized the stark truth, they were coming from the scientist!

Expendable
June 19th, 2005, 01:11 PM
was in a room. A white room. I dont mean a room that is colored white, but full of white light. There was no color...nothing. I saw no shades of red, blue, or green. Was I color blind. Was I dreaming. What was this place. I dont remember getting here. Wait...I dont remembering being anywhere. Where was I...What was happening to me. I searched my mind for answers to questions that would not come. Who was I. I didn't know...My past, my history. I knew nothing. It was as if...I was just born. I was just there...I searched deeper into my mind and found something. It was only a couple of seconds long, but it was an image. I tried to see what it was and screamed.

Invest in some question-marks. Was I color-blind? Was I dreaming?

You've got the possibility of a good first draft but it needs work with combining imagery and words.

Megris Vernin
June 19th, 2005, 07:49 PM
Thx for your suggestions, please read my new story and comment on it as well

"Don’t call me that. I don’t appreciate being treated in such a manner. As for my injuring myself, try and imagine what you would do if you suddenly awoke in a white chamber with only fleeting memories."

The scientist seemed surprised, not by my words as much as my ability to speak at all. The man's aura of dignity and pride temporarily faltered. Yet quickly a smug expression crossed his face.

"You can speak, can you. Don't worry, you won’t have much to say in a while. The treatment obviously failed, you have retained some residual memories. We can’t have that, can we?”

The man's words aggravated me with their cruelty and obvious assumption of my submission. I would never give up. I would not allow myself to be silenced, either by this man or by any other. A strange source of power grew up in me. I began to tap into reserves of strength and will power that I never knew I possessed.

It was a baffling experience. To best describe it, the only comparison my mind could draw in is to have a truth revealed to you. It is like you have been searching all of your life for the answer to a question, and then finally receive a response. I felt new parts of my mind awaken. Dormant areas of my brain began to awaken. Synapses fired and neurons began shooting. Little did I know that I was using parts of my brain that no human should. I was accessing a piece of the head located between the Medula Oblamgada and the Cerbel Cortex.

The air around me began to thicken and swirl. It became charged with energy, power that was not normal or natural. The scientist tried to brush of this change in the atmosphere as some accident with the air ventilation system. Yet even he could ignore the truth for long.

His blissful ignorance became shattered when he saw the look of concentration on my face. I felt a desire, a passion to live. Despite my relatively short life, I ...could not give up. Then I heard some strange words.

“This is not possible. None of the other subjects have even regained consciousness, yet this man can use areas of the brain previously inaccessible. How is this possible? Our experiments showed no such results. Where did we go wrong?”

The words came unbidden to my mind just like my hidden knowledge. It was as if, I simply knew it. I searched for the origins of the words, and was shocked to find they were emanating from the scientist. Through some bizarre coincidence or strange power that I somehow gained, I could read his thoughts. I controlled my facial expression, and did not give away the fact that I now had access to his deepest and darkest thoughts.

“We must destroy him at once. I have no control over this subject. Until we find a way to restrain his free will and intellectual growth, we cannot proceed. We must kill him and dissect his body. Perhaps we can find answers to why he is different from the others.”

As I listened to his thoughts, I became disgusted. Without even asking my thoughts or what I knew, he was going to kill me. This was not a guess, it was a fact. I knew it, just as I knew the sky was blue and my blood was red.

“Why would you do this to me? I have done nothing wrong. I will not harm you, I will let you run whatever little tests you desire over me. All I request is that you explain who and what I am.”

The scientist smirked and refused to even consider my argument. His mind was made up, and there was nothing I could do to change it.

“Let you live. You must be joking. I cannot have a test subject running amuck in my laboratory. I have worked too long for this, much too long. You will die, and do so willingly. We have made sure of this.”

The scientist reached into his pocket and pulled out an odd looking device. It was four inches by four inches, and seemed to be composed of a gray plastic. There were various knobs and switches on it, as if the machine had several different functions.

Without knowing why or how, I understood the devices purpose. The scientist would use it to enslave me, to control me and ultimately to kill me. With such a thing, I would completely be under his control. I would not let that happen.

The scientist reached his hand onto the device and turned a red knob. Instantly my mind was being splintered by hundreds of knives. It was as if my head was being stabbed and probed in a hundred different places. I feel to me knees in agonizing pain, but fought against the effect. If I gave up now, it was over. He would win, and ultimately I would die. I summoned up strength from deep inside of me and stood up. The process was extremely agonizing, and each moment I felt like I would die. Yet I stood.

My little act of bravado completely surprised the scientist. He obviously did not expect me to be able to resist the ray’s mind numbing effects. Yet I sensed no great fear in his mind, the scientist simply moved the red know a little further up. Instantly I felt my stomach fill with acid, and my body be crushed by a huge press. Every pain and anguish imaginable was being inflicted upon me. Yes in my agony, I still struggled to survive.

“You will fall. No one has ever been able to survive this high level of pain. You see we installed a little device in your brain. We never expected to use it, but it was always possible that a test subject could become violent. Consider it our little insurance policy. No matter what you do, you are my slave. If I continue to have it on this pain threshold much longer, you will actually suffer brain damage. Submit, and give yourself a nice and easy death.”

Even as his words rang through my mind, I refused to submit. I would never give up, not now and certainly not ever. I huddled deep within my mind. I searched for something, anything to counteract the massive pain that I was in. I came up a part of me that the telepath skills came from. I pushed and probed on it, hoping to get some kind of relief. Yet the pain I suffered continued to increase and I felt my little remaining will power vanish. I struggled to hold on, but in a few more seconds I would fall.

Just before I fell beneath the scientist’s dominion, I felt that strange feeling again. New truths were revealed to me, and the pain stopped. No…it was still there. Yet it did not bother me. It was if I had taken an antithetic. But my body was far from numb, I felt more awareness and mental prowess than I had ever felt before. I resisted the pain and stood up to face the scientist.

Expendable
June 20th, 2005, 12:06 AM
"Don’t call me that. I don’t appreciate being treated in such a manner. As for my injuring myself, try and imagine what you would do if you suddenly awoke in a white chamber with only fleeting memories." Show some emotion. Is he angry? Upset? Why isn't he demanding to know where he is and what's going on?



"You can speak, can you. Don't worry, you won’t have much to say in a while. The treatment obviously failed, you have retained some residual memories. We can’t have that, can we?” First statement is a question. Where's the question-mark? Your scientist loves to talk - why is he talking so much to him? Why even come into the chamber?


A strange source of power grew up in me. I began to tap into reserves of strength and will power that I never knew I possessed. How do you tap into these reserves?


It was a baffling experience. To best describe it, the only comparison my mind could draw in is to have a truth revealed to you. It is like you have been searching all of your life for the answer to a question, and then finally receive a response. I felt new parts of my mind awaken. Dormant areas of my brain began to awaken. Synapses fired and neurons began shooting. Little did I know that I was using parts of my brain that no human should. I was accessing a piece of the head located between the Medula Oblamgada and the Cerbel Cortex. How do you know you're accessing dormant parts of your brain? You're telling us too much instead of showing us.


The air around me began to thicken and swirl. It became charged with energy, power that was not normal or natural. The scientist tried to brush of this change in the atmosphere as some accident with the air ventilation system. Yet even he could ignore the truth for long. How does he brush it off? What does charged air feel like? Is there a smell?


“This is not possible. None of the other subjects have even regained consciousness, yet this man can use areas of the brain previously inaccessible. How is this possible? Our experiments showed no such results. Where did we go wrong?”How does he know you're using inaccessible areas of your mind? We'd need a CAT scan or an MRI. You're just in a white room without any visible machinery. Even if there are machines that can see the changes in your brain, how is he getting that information?


As I listened to his thoughts, I became disgusted. Without even asking my thoughts or what I knew, he was going to kill me. This was not a guess, it was a fact. I knew it, just as I knew the sky was blue and my blood was red.You just read his mind, of course you know he's going to kill you.


“Why would you do this to me? I have done nothing wrong. I will not harm you, I will let you run whatever little tests you desire over me. All I request is that you explain who and what I am.” Haven't you just given away your advantage? Revealed that you can read his mind?


The scientist reached into his pocket and pulled out an odd looking device. It was four inches by four inches, and seemed to be composed of a gray plastic. There were various knobs and switches on it, as if the machine had several different functions.That's a large remote control. How do you know it's 4 inches square? Why not simply call it a gray remote control? Less confusion.


Yet the pain I suffered continued to increase and I felt my little remaining will power vanish. I struggled to hold on, but in a few more seconds I would fall. How do you know that you've got only a few more seconds? Describe this better.


...I felt more awareness and mental prowess than I had ever felt before. I resisted the pain and stood up to face the scientist.
But HOW does it feel?

Does your test subject have a name? A designation? Why doesn't the scientist use that? Is this a scientist or a doctor?

Rethink this scene some more. You're rushing to a confrontation on the first page, why are you in such a hurry? Disections happen only when the subject can't tell you anything more. If you're trying to create a human with special abilities, why would you kill the first person who survived the procedure? it doesn't make sense.

Expendable
June 20th, 2005, 03:17 PM
You've got the start of a good story here, we just need to pull some more details from your head and into the story.

Megris Vernin
June 22nd, 2005, 12:48 PM
I am going to add and alter the story here daily, new talking and better metaphors and descriptions

Part 1 Refined-A new part should come at least once a day with a better written story and just generally re-worded.

I was suddenly in a room. It seemed to be white. At first I thought it was just painted white, but then I saw there were no walls, or floors. There really wasn’t anything solid, nothing at all. All I could see, and feel, was the endless stream of light. I basked in its warmth and felt to be part of the wave. My soul was here, as part of the chorus of light. Then I felt something, and I moved my arm.

The sensation was unusual, to say the least. It was incredible, to feel. It was even more rapturous then becoming one with the light. Only after I thought about it a little longer did I realize there was no deviation from the white light. There were no shades of red, blue, or green. It was as if the world had removed any difference, any shifts in itself.
The world was black and white to me. There was the light, and there was me.

I struggled to understand my position. “Am I color blind,” I wondered. “Does that explain why I can only see the white, that I am incapable of seeing colors? Or was it because I was dreaming? I knew that people could imagine anything when they were asleep, even things as strange as I was seeing.” As I continued to rack my brain for answers to these questions I realized something startling. I knew absolutely nothing about myself.

Megris Vernin
June 22nd, 2005, 02:05 PM
The Sea

Everyday I walk by the sea,
And am forced to wonder what it could be.
Every day it reaches
Over thousands of beaches.
Near the surface their is light,
But farther below it is as dark as night.
Down in the Oceans deep.
There lives a creature whose appearance makes men weep.
He looks up at the sky,
And watches things fly by through his one eye.

The Crimson Realms

The rule of the gods is at an end,
To their will the mortals will no longer bend.
Peace cannot be found and the realms go to war,
But what are they fighting for?
The gods fight to maintain their power,
The mortals won't tolerate that for another hour.
The rebels fight to be free,
Which the gods will never let be.
War has descended upon the earth,
Darkness and Chaos have been given rebirth
Overhead dark shadows are seen,
Many wonder what it could mean.
The sun turns a crimson read,
About this nothing can be said.
Many a dark omen appears in the sky,
But none can answer why.
But one man does know,
He stands by his bed and watches the falling red snow.
He watches the failing light,
Turn into eternal night.
The dark one that long ago vanished,
Is no longer banished.

Fire

Thou art truly wonderful fire,
You are the embodiment of the heart's desire.
Your wondrous flame,
Are the source of our fame and shame.
To you we pray,
Every single day.
You are our source of good,
Which we get by burning coal and wood.
We use your strength to bash,
Our enemies into nothing more than ash.
Even now our great rockets of power,
Will destory our foes in less than an hour.
Your destruction is so great,
That we have destroyed all those which we hate.
No more of them can be said,
Because everyone in the world is dead.
Infernos created through your hand,
Has unleashed hell's fury upon the land.
Our enemies live no more,
They killed us to even the score.
The earth is now black,
With all human souls in the reaper's sack.
A new ray,
Goes over a land so gray.
The earth is a lover spurned,
Who had its human lovers burned.
No one lives,
A person receives what he gives.
Blackness covers the sky,
Down below people cry that they will die.
The day become as night,
Where or where has gone the light,
The suns rays once so bright,
Has become shadows that naw and bite.
The air chills as it becomes cold,
The young scream as they become old.
All that was once right,
HAs disapperaed and become replaced by a blight.
Plague spreads across the land,
Replacing fertile soil with sand.
The food crops are lost,
Man die to save them but at what cost.
All is without sight,
No one can see without even their own height.
The world is consumed by a great flame,
The people search for someone to blame.
An old man is found,
And killed without making a sound.
God looks up from above,
And frowns down upon the people who have rejected his love.

Jacquin
June 22nd, 2005, 03:09 PM
Please bear in mind in future that the limit for posted extracts of your work in the writing forum is 1000 words. This is inclusive of multiple posts. I will leave this one as it is currently under discussion.

Thanks

J

kater
June 22nd, 2005, 04:06 PM
Further to the above post I have merged your poems thread with this thread so all your work is in one place. I would like to re-emphasise that this is exactly what the community is there for, please just post links in future :)