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Bseri77
June 24th, 2005, 01:28 AM
I wrote this over twenty years ago as a result of a teenage romance breaking up. In 2001 a co-worker of mine lost her husband to a rather quick form of cancer and I had just come across the poem. (from an old high school newspaper). Instead of sending her flowers, I printed the poem with an angel kneeling in prayer as a backdrop. I signed it and had it matted and framed. From that moment on this poem took on a whole different meaning. She still has it on her living room wall and she tells me it brings her great joy when she reads it. I never intended this poem to become a memorial poem but it has. I have subsequently given it out to family and friends after their loss. Most recently it was sold at auction to benefit the 2005 graduating class. I only give them out signed. I am tracking the recipients because the poem has such special meaning to me.

Memories

Your eyes no longer watch me,
And that precious smile is gone.

Your hand no longer holds mine,
But the memories still live on.

And the memories keep me going,
When I don't think I can cope.

Just thoughts of brighter yesterdays,
Can give me brand new hope.

So when I start to miss you,
I lift my head and smile.

I remember all the love we shared,
And that makes life worthwhile.

Bonnie Serignese

All comments are welcome...and I am glad I joined tonight.

Expendable
June 24th, 2005, 07:59 PM
It's a good poem, good imagery.

You might want to move that to the Stories/Poems section we call the Community, then afterwards post a link here to the Writer's section for critiques.

Others I'm sure will have more to say about your poem.

--Ex.

Bseri77
June 24th, 2005, 09:47 PM
Thanks for the help! I actually had it in the Stories/Poems section called the Community; but as a Draft; I see it now since I changed it to Published. (New user :o )

Here's the link

http://www.sffworld.com/community/poem/465.html

I hope I did this right..... :o :o :o

Bseri77
July 5th, 2005, 01:47 PM
Just wondering why no one comments when you ask for critiques? I see ratings but no comments. Isn't this why we ask for critiques? A lot of people view but no new replies in the thread...

TheEarCollector
July 5th, 2005, 02:09 PM
You might want to find a crit group... people here aren't always the most willing to critique (unless you specifically ask for it on this forum).

I would, but I am unfairly biased agaisnt poetry... I wouldn't be that helpful.

Bseri77
July 5th, 2005, 02:18 PM
Although you are against poetry; did you read them.....there is this one and others in the stories/poems section under Author S

FriedEyeball
July 5th, 2005, 04:12 PM
Just wondering why no one comments when you ask for critiques? I see ratings but no comments. Isn't this why we ask for critiques? A lot of people view but no new replies in the thread...

- Well, how can you expect people to critique/whatever something that was written for a friend whose husband died? How can you expect anything other than, "Oh, that's really moving, that's very powerful"? And it surely is those things. I just don't get why you'd want strangers to analyse it.

- Rozz

Bseri77
July 5th, 2005, 04:26 PM
I guess I just need the feedback from strangers; sometimes I think the things I write are amazing and I am looking for an affirmation from the GP (General Public)...thanks for the "Oh, that's really moving, that's very powerful"? And it surely is those things. I just don't get why you'd want strangers to analyse it."

I guess it's all about getting it "out there"......gotta leave something behind right? Can't take it with you!

Thanks again!

FriedEyeball
July 5th, 2005, 04:33 PM
I guess I just need the feedback from strangers; sometimes I think the things I write are amazing and I am looking for an affirmation from the GP (Gneral Public)...thanks for the "Oh, that's really moving, that's very powerful"? And it surely is those things. I just don't get why you'd want strangers to analyse it."

I guess it's all about getting it "out there"......gotta leave something behind right? Can't take it with you!

Thanks again!

- I don't know. Praise can be addictive, dangerous sometimes. I wouldn't rely on it.

- Rozz

Bseri77
July 5th, 2005, 04:36 PM
Need the addiction....unemployed right now! It helps! :rolleyes: