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peppermint
December 26th, 2001, 12:05 PM
Hi my story 'Tishlyn the shadow war book one'
is now up in the short stories area under fantasy: then Page (my last name) if anyof you have a mintue would you please have a look at it.

Thanks Cass

Erebus
December 26th, 2001, 06:33 PM
Hi Cass,

Well you already know my thoughts on your epic, so I'll leave it to the others here to give you some fresher feedback! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Good luck with the rest of the Tale (http://www.sffworld.com/authors/p/page_cassandra/fiction/shadow01p1.html)!


[This message has been edited by erebus (edited December 27, 2001).]

peppermint
December 29th, 2001, 09:17 AM
My EPIC I've never had it refered to as such and thankyou once again with out your help and wisdom i don't think i would have got Tishlyn's story past the first page.

Cass

An8el
December 30th, 2001, 12:13 AM
I really liked how you moved the story along with only the dialogue. Read it out loud and you can insert better punctuation in the last half, but your style is very impressive. I could even hear the differences in how certain characters phrased what they said.
Ever thought of writing it into a play and just dispensing with the descriptions as much as possible? Well, maybe on another project, but that's what I read as your strength.
Don't stop now, I can't wait to read the next chapter and find out what happens next!
Thanks, Franis

peppermint
December 30th, 2001, 02:29 PM
It great to heree that you liked it.

A play well my drama teacher said it would make a good script for a movie.

Thanks for your input

Cass

lior
January 2nd, 2002, 10:33 AM
The story has a good pace and flowing dialog, it treads some familiar ground (reminded me of joan of arc, for example), but it was done very nicely and with style, if it were horrible I wouldn't of kept reading till the end, would I? http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif
Of course, it is only part of a bigger story so there is no point in discussing closure. One thing I would suggest is to try and work more on punctuation, the lack of it in some parts got me really confused.

All in all, a fine tale, well done.