Fuel Cells

[Erebus]

I have posted one of the Science Fiction stories from my recently published collection of short fiction, Tale Spin.

The story is called FUEL CELLS (http://www.sffworld.com/authors/c/cladingboel_neil_charles/fiction/fuelcells1.html), and some of you here may have already come across it. For those who haven't yet, I'd love to hear what you think! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

[bir]

ive read it
it was ok http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif i was just wondering what really happend lol
i was also wondering where u got d title? does this imply that the cargo was really used as fuel? (im really not into sci fi so i hav no idea what the title is about)
u also used present tense when most people use past tense
is it just ur style(which was well written even though it was in present tense)or do people use present tense when the story is in 1st person or is being narrated by the character? just wondering


[This message has been edited by bir (edited January 09, 2002).]

[Erebus]

Well, that particular piece was written as it was because, as you quite rightly say, it's first person!

As for the title, I'll leave that up to the reader to decide! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

[KATS]

Cute story, though I'm not a big fan of science fiction. I particularly liked the last paragraph.

[Bardos]

It kept me interested --that's good. It was mysterious, with a "who really knows the truth?" ending --that's also good, for me. The only negative that I found was that I couldn't visualize it clearly. I don't know; perhaps it was my own "inxperience" with scifi, since I usually read fantasy.

But anyway, well done, Erebus!

Edit: And about that present tense. I think it was nicely used. You write in the past tense in the begining, as if the character remembers this events, and then switch it to the character's present. I didn't notice it as a weakness in the story.

[This message has been edited by Bardos (edited January 09, 2002).]

[Kun]

I thought it was a fun little story which puts me into the mind of something like the Sixth Sense - movie.

Keep up the good work.

[Erebus]

Thanks for all the feedback so far guys! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

[nicba]

Very nice litte short story. Interesting and excellent written, as usual with your stuff.

There was only a couple of times I stumbled a over the words, mostly due to the formating I think. You used the '-' (what's it's called in english? A dash?) some places in the story. But I missed it and had to go back and re-read the sentence a couple of times. It was so small. Maybe if you could insert some spaces on either side of it, it would be easier to spot? Like in the last paragraph were you wrote "Sure, it sounds ridiculous - I know that." It was fine in that sentence.

Also, there were a very few places were you wrote the thoughts of the main character directly. Like in the passage "Why didn't my assailant remove it? I thought" or "Someone else must be on board, I thought, but who?". I think I would personally have prefered it if the direct thoughts had been in italic or something.

But then again that's only very minor nitpicking on the formating. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything else to comment critically on. The story was just pure good work! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

[Erebus]

Thanks, Nicba...yes, sorry for the formatting problems there - not sure what happened to all those spaces - they should have been there, but I can only blame myself, as I did the processing! (oops) http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif

[lior]

That's the first sf story of you that I read, Neil, and it didn't disappoint either.
It was suspenseful and the premise is quite original and intriguing. In fact, it is so original that I think it deserved a longer story! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif


On the other hand, the ambiguous ending was a fine decision, I think.

BTW, do you know what really happened? http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif