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Fledgling writer asks for opinions


Old_Wolf
January 9th, 2002, 08:03 PM
Hello,

This is another "request for comment" kinda threads. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Mostly I've written dopey poetry in the past. This is sort of my first stab at writing something with any substance. The main character, Reginold the Blue Jeans Wizard, just popped out of nowhere one day and made me laugh. So I jotted down this little blurb that was inspired by my univ. library. It isn't complete, but a few friends found it amusing. Just kinda looking for any kind of comments. Thanks. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif
-----

Reginold had decided a long time ago that the world was going mad. As the years had progressed nothing he’d experienced had really dissuaded him of that notion. What he was doing right now certainly wasn’t changing his mind. Perhaps it was the fact that he was standing in the middle of a below zero wind-chill winter night, right outside of a perfectly warm and open university library. Perhaps it was the fact that he was only wearing a jacket, T-shirt, tennis shoes, and his signature blue jeans in a foot of snow. More likely, in Reginold’s humble opinion, it was the fact that while he was standing in the middle of that freezing cold winter night in minimal apparel he was talking to a 900 year old stone gargoyle. Oh, the fact that he was talking to a gargoyle wasn’t what was fostering his view that the world was mad. It was the fact that it was an Irish gargoyle. Gargoyles are rare in Ireland, occasionally found on Catholic Churches or old castle manors, so finding one in front of a university library in the middle of Missouri was very strange indeed. How this particular gargoyle could have ended up in its current situation was completely beyond even Reginold’s somewhat largish 957 year experience.
The little statue sat on a pedestal just to the side of the library’s main entrance. The rock beast wasn’t something that would seem appropriate outside a library, being a squat figure only three feet in height, with features vaguely resembling a half cat, half-human face and a body that could be closely equated to a faun or satyr with proportionate bat wings. Perhaps it was the little figure’s peculiar visage that had pulled Reginold into examining it before entering the library. It was while the blue jeaned one was looking at the detail in the gargoyle’s face that the statue had spoken.
“And what, exactly, would you be findin’ so interesting about me face?” were the first words out of that odd mouth that seemed a cross between human lips and a cats chops. Reginold had been taken aback by the little fellow’s question, not because the statue spoke, but because of the somewhat worn Irish accent the question was placed in. Reginold, remembering that gargoyles were somewhat rare in Ireland, had figured it to be English, or perhaps Scottish.
“I was merely looking at the detail of your face.” Reginold replied when he had recovered his composure. Reginold straightened his roundish glasses and leaned down from his six foot height to resume looking at the little creature’s face. The wizard’s intense blue eyes peered out from behind a well maintained bushy brown beard that reached high up his cheeks. Reginold’s shoulder length brown hair decided to intrude itself over one ear into his eyes and he pushed it back unconsciously. “The elements seem to have had very little effect on you, you look to be in near perfect condition. A sculptor of great talent must have carved your form.”
“Sculptor?” the gargoyle snorted. “A sculptor’s tools have never touched this rock body, me boyo. After near 900 years o’ sittin’ in the elements any sculptors work would o’ been far gone by now. Me body is 100% pure Druid work, and that’s the honest truth. I would be taken it that you’ve run across me kind before, ‘ave ye?”
“What could possibly have given you that impression old boy?” Reginold asked the question with a certain amount of sarcasm. Either the sarcasm was lost on the stone beast, or it decided to answer anyway, just to make conversation.
“Well, me first clue would be that you’ve yet to run away screamin ‘bout the devil in front o’ the library’. I had a rather unfortunate experience involving a pretty young lass doing just that last fall.”
“Ah, so that’s what all the fuss was about. I never actually figured out what she could have been talking about. I did a few simple detection spells near here, but never did find a devilgate. I guess you explain that matter. Why exactly did you decide to talk to that unfortunate girl?”
“She was doing exactly what you were just doing, only the lass had been doing it for 2 bloody hours! I get a bit ruffled by people staring at me face after a bit. I suppose she was an artist or some such working on a project. I do regret scaring the wee lass, but I must admit she was beginning to get on me bad side. I just asked the girlie if she wouldn’t mind taking a few pictures and leavin’ me be.”

Alucard
January 9th, 2002, 09:20 PM
Thats good stuff old wolf. Like your writing style (the only sentence that bothered me was the description of the gargoyle. I think it'd be more effective if it were broken up into two or even three sentences), but more imorptantly, I like the subject matter. Nice idea. The only problem, it's painfully incomplete. It feels like you just tore out a page from a book and handed it to me. But I man this in a good way. Write some more!

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Erebus
January 10th, 2002, 01:13 AM
Old_Wolf, I guess you know that we prefer you to submit larger pieces to our Short Story section, where readers can actually rate your stories as well. So, if you have more you'd like to post you can do it HERE (http://www.sffworld.com/submit/)! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Cheers, Neil

KATS
January 10th, 2002, 03:30 AM
Interesting little read. I rather enjoyed it. A few typo's but nothing major.

You seem to have a nice sense of humor in your writing. I find it refreshing, especially since I have very little humor naturally in my writing. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif

Old_Wolf
January 15th, 2002, 06:40 PM
Arghh! Sorry, school just started, and I'm very tardy on everything.

Thank you for all the encouraging comments!

I fear my friends are trying to spare my feelings about this whole writing thing.
So posting some material for compelete strangers to rip apart seemed like a good idea. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif

I just submitted a short story. (Emphasis on short) Hopefully people will get a chance to comment on it too. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Thanks again!

-Old_Wolf

erebus, I liked your Fuel Cells story. I don't feel qualified to really critique it, so all I'll say is creepy space sci-fi is cool. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by Old_Wolf (edited January 16, 2002).]

martinsonly
January 15th, 2002, 07:06 PM
Not bad Old Wolf. The writing moves along nicely, but if Reginold is 957 years old, I want some more background on him, and why's he at a university in MO? I like the humor and fantasy mix also, but again, on the whole it left me wanting some deeper knowledge of the main character.

Good luck,

Martin Edward Stephenson

estranghero
January 16th, 2002, 04:50 PM
Hmmm... yes, interesting excerpt. At first, I thought it was a kinda like a 'Harry Potter' grows up though at 957 years old, kinda impossible. Of course, now I'm curious about his background. (In fact, it made me think that since he's THAT old, that would explain why he comes across as a 'hippie-wizard' for me since he probably took part in the flower power '60s period. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif)

Writing style, just a friendly advice? Break up your paragraphs. Easier to read. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Old_Wolf
January 17th, 2002, 05:18 AM
Yeah, it is incomplete, but I got stuck for a bit on where to take the story. I have it figured out, now I just need time to put it down. As the story progresses part of Reginolds background will be explained. Like what he's doing in the middle of podunk MO. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

I've never even flipped through a Harry Potter book. My friends and coworkers have tho. The more they talk, the more Mr. Potter sounds like a young version of Timothy Hunter from the excellent Books of Magic comic series. (And the Names of Magic, and the Age of Magic) Which I love BTW. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Thanks for the replies, I didn't realize Reginold was that interesting. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

-Old_Wolf

P.S. I think I screwed up some formatting when I cut and pasted it. Thanks for the advice, my paragraphs do tend to ramble. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/frown.gif

[This message has been edited by Old_Wolf (edited January 17, 2002).]

 

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