View Full Version : My first short story,please read.
January 19th, 2002, 11:54 AM
Could you read my story The Decision.I am very proud of it but i need some feedback.Tell me what you think and thanks.
January 19th, 2002, 06:01 PM
It was good.....But there are things that need to be worked on like the pace it flows then stops and in places the pace doesn't flow correctly but this can be fixed i find if you read your story out loud you get a better picture of errors. The basic thing like typos and missing words also slow the pace down because some parts need to be read twice.
All in all i found you had me intrigued i wanted to know what happened but remember savor the moments as you write them the story is not going to go away if you focus on the bit you are writing it just seems to move too quickly i think description is need about the grounds outside the mansion and the inner rooms also the characters who are they what do they look like? is sarah a blond, a brunette, a redhead ect...
But don't get dicouraged because if i had taken everything to heart when i started out writing i probably would have stopped and i love writing it is my passion but people always told me i was wasting my time...
well i'm rambling
so i hope it helps.
January 19th, 2002, 09:41 PM
What a fun story, almost like a dream. I really liked the scary parts that kept going.
Lots of people say this here, but it's true that all stories benefit from being read out loud. If you did that, your punctuation and grammer problems would be gone. Although some of the sentences would benefit from not being shortened because they read so breathlessly in the scary parts - I wonder how it would read if most of the time you avoided compound sentences?
I have a friend named Taylor Brooks in Bolinas, CA - she's got an enviable singing voice! You aren't her, are you?
January 20th, 2002, 07:00 AM
Thank you so much for your comments.I never read the story out loud.I just started writing and didn't stop until it was finished.It's my first draft and i just posted it,as is.Thanks
January 21st, 2002, 10:32 AM
Well then, great as a first draft. It was a good idea to keep writing to get it all out. Obviously, you've got a creative spark that you can strike. But don't stop now on this story! It's the editing that makes your creative inspiration into the jewel that it deserves to be.
I think that my best strategy in editing is to let something sit for a few months until I've "forgotten" it. Then when I read it again I do that out loud. I take the pencil ruthlessly to it so it sounds like it makes sense to me. Usually, I type that version up to get rid of all the marks I made.
Then I go through it another time. This time, I try to bring out the "different voices" of the character(s.) I ask myself - what experiences are the characters speaking from?
Then I go through it another time and ask myself if the the different scenes are in the right sequence. But I do that because in my creative inspiration phase, I tend to jump around.
You'll get used to the inconsistencies in your own writing that you need to watch out for in the editing process. I don't think that it's a good idea to try to "correct myself" while I'm in the inspiration stage. Better to get the story out and worry about cleaning up later! I think it's more important to get the story out, however it comes out.
Alternating back and forth from creative to editing "mode" doesn't seem to be difficult for me with some practice. For some people it comes out better to clearly separate the two activities - create/edit.
January 22nd, 2002, 02:25 AM
I really appreciate all your advice,I wrote another story last night and i'll be posting it today or tomorrow.All your comments have helped me so much and in a couple of months i'm going to sit down and write The Decision even better.Taylor Brooks isn't my real name,it's Kim.
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