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Ingram
March 20th, 2002, 09:01 PM
Thief Of Prophecy
By Me

PROLOGUE
THE MISSION

The moon shone upon the city of Kraygan, yet the streets still remained dark and desolate with no one insight except the city watch patrolling the grounds. But there was someone there, hiding in the shadows, willing him-self not to be seen. This was the life of Drizzt Do’Urden, having being a thief since he was but a boy. He grew up on scraps of food thrown from the inn late at night and was kept warm by what little clothing he could steal from unsuspecting shop owners during the day. Now he stood, concealed in the shadows as a man.

Drizzt was set upon a mission for this night; he had just met up with a rich merchant who had travelled from lands he had not heard of, to speak to him. Drizzt trailed of in thought as he remembered the encounter….

“I have travelled from very far lands, all the way just to ask you for one simple request”
“How did you find me?”
“ Is it so shocking young Drizzt, good things travel around fast, and when you’re a thief with as much skill as you possess, well you get the picture”
“Yes, I do. What do you want with me?”
“I have come to ask you something, well not really, I have a quest for you, one well worth your efforts.”
“Oh really, and what does this little quest involve?”
“Are you aware of the Keepers Watch banquet that will be held tonight?”
“Yes I’m aware, why?”
“I want you to steal me something…… from the banquet.”
“You could have given me a little notice, sneaking into a Keepers Watch Banquet isn’t exactly an easy job you know, being prepared is half the battle”
“Are you interested or not?” The merchant replied with a hint of aggression
“Sure I am, if it’s worth my pocket”
“How does one thousand gold piece’s sound?”
”One thousand, what the hell do you want me to steal?”
”The master plans to the new Keepers”
”What! Why do you want them for?”
”You’re a thief, I’m sure you know how much harder it has being to sneak around the city and not get caught by a Keeper”
“What’s having the master plans got to do with this?”
”Quiet simple really, I have some… associate’s willing to pay me a fair bag of gold for the plans. So are you interested?”

Drizzt paused for a few moments in thought.

“Alright… I’ll do it, but I want another five hundred piece’s of gold and fifty percent of it right now, I’m in need of it to buy some fresh supplies”
“Sounds fair”

Drizzt nodded and began to turn away…….

Drizzt was brought back to the situation at hand when he heard a raw of laughter come from a nearby building.
At that moment, he took the opportunity and threw his newly brought grappling hook on top of the roof, once he checked that it was securer he began his climb. Once he was on top of the roof he acted in instinct and quickly surveyed his surroundings while concealing himself behind a large crate. Once he was sure it was safe he quietly crept towards the centre of the roof where four sets of windows were, two of them were open just like the merchant had promised.
Looking down Drizzt could see a large round table, he guessed around one hundred people were seated around it enjoying the feast that was prepared.
Damn it, I’m early Drizzt thought to him self. The Merchant had told him to sneak in when the speech was on. He decided to head down further along the roof to waste some time. Just as he went to take the first step a loud voice came from below, Drizzt realised that it was the speech starting, it now came to him why the merchant had told him to wait as the lights below were switched of and a large machine was turned on projecting image’s upon the wall.
Instantly Drizzt lowered himself through the window and ran along the upper hallway. Once he was in a position he felt safe he pulled out a piece of paper containing the direction to the vault where the plans were being kept.
Once Drizzt got his bearings right he ran to the door the map indicated to go through, the speech trailed off in the background as he left the hall.

*************

There it is, Drizzt thought to himself. He could clearly see the vault, and he could also see it was heavily guarded. At that instant just as the Merchant had yet again promised, an alarm went of and straight away the guards ran to the disturbance.

“ Well planned diversion,“ he whispered to himself.

Drizzt ran towards the vault and immediately pulled out his lock picking tools. As he had done it many times before Drizzt had the lock cracked in seconds, placed the plans in his pocket and replaced them with fake ones the merchant had given him.
At that moment the door burst open and two guards entered the room and immediately spotted him by the vault.

“Thief” yelled the first guard as he drew his sword.

At that moment Drizzt knew he had to get away now and not be delayed by a fight, and besides, it was his code to never kill anyone while he was working.
A large explosion sounded and the room was instantly filled with smoke, once the smoke cleared, the guards could not see the thief or any traces of where he went, he simply vanished into thing air.

Ingram
March 20th, 2002, 09:02 PM
Oh, dont worry. Im just using the name's atm, i will have my own soon

Erebus
March 20th, 2002, 09:12 PM
Thanks for the post, Mordread, but I have to remind you, as we do to all our members, that we try to discourage such large posts from the discussion forums. We have a story section on the sffworld site where you can submit your work and have it rated etc. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Ingram
March 20th, 2002, 09:17 PM
cool, i didnt know that thanks :P

Ingram
March 20th, 2002, 09:20 PM
um, where exactly do i go exactly?

Erebus
March 20th, 2002, 09:25 PM
You can find the links you need on the SUBMIT (http://www.sffworld.com/submit/) page. Stories are usually uploaded within a week or two.


[This message has been edited by erebus (edited March 21, 2002).]

Ingram
March 20th, 2002, 09:27 PM
Thanks, anyway you wanna read it and give your 2 cents?

Erebus
March 20th, 2002, 09:31 PM
I shall, but I'm pressed for time atm.

Erebus
March 21st, 2002, 03:12 PM
Okay...finally had a chance to read through your excerpt, Mordread.

Obviously, this is an introduction to a larger work, and serves that purpose well enough, though I did find some of your narrative just a tad repetitive, for example:


...once he checked that it was securer he began his climb. Once he was on top of the roof he acted in instinct and quickly surveyed his surroundings while concealing himself behind a large crate. Once he was sure it was safe he quietly crept towards the centre of the roof where four sets of windows were, two of them were open just like the merchant had promised...

...Once he was in a position he felt safe he pulled out a piece of paper containing the direction to the vault where the plans were being kept...

As you can see, the word once is grossly overused and makes the papargraphs very clumsy to read. Other technical points I noticed are the unnecessary use of apostrophes - five hundred piece’s - for example, and a couple of other grammatical and spelling/typing errors, which will of course be picked up during your countless re-reads!

Try reading your dialogue aloud as well to make sure you're comfortable with its flow, and that it doesn't appear too stilted.

But, like I said, as a first draft and an introduction to a larger piece, it's a great start. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif


[This message has been edited by erebus (edited March 21, 2002).]