[Nathan Carter]

I have taken my first stab at Fantasy... all I can say is that it has been my most serious attempt thus far. I would be very grateful for any comments or suggestions, as I have set foot on foreign ground with this genre.

you can find it here
http://nathancarter.8m.com/custom3.html

[Nathan Carter]

Will no one read my story?

If you can't carry on after the first few paragraphs, let me know that too! I wont be offended.

You must understand that my gigantic ego is suffering severe and intense torture at having to beg like this... but PLEASE! PLEASE! THROW ME A BONE!!

[estranghero]

Hey, I know the feeling. However, been so frigging busy at the office, I haven't the time to read the stories up for critique at this section, much less more write my own, damn all...

Anyway, regarding the story, 'Dire Regions'--

As a horror writer, you're very good. Your take on the indescribable monsters spot on, adding the right details to spark the reader's imagination on the grotesquerie confronting the protagonists. Also, love the "throwing-together mish-mash characters from out of nowhere and watch them get assaulted time and again by monsters" riff in the story.

As a fantasy writer, you still need a bit practice IMHO. Your identification of the protagonists and their races seem a bit fuzzy as I wasn't informed on Zareth's race (he wasn't referred to as human). Also, the concealing clock and the mysterious warrior is a bit cliche, doncha think?

On your style, mebbe a bit of editing on the prose as the fear factor goes down a bit when the reader tries to go for the serious literature.

However, plus points on concepts because I'm left wanting to know more about the story, i.e. the outside wastelands, the idea of letting evil in through corruption. and others.

Whew! That's it for now for my quickie review. Gotta get back to working.

P.S. Keep on writing! Musta been a slow day for the Writing Section of this forum. http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif

[Nathan Carter]

I express my gratitude immensly!

Thank you very much for your time to read it over, I know well of the burden it can be to roll your eyes over 5000 words of a nobody.

Your comments are well taken, and I imagine that yes, horror will take its grip on most anything I do.

Your identification of the protagonists and their races seem a bit fuzzy as I wasn't informed on Zareth's race (he wasn't referred to as human).

This was intended to a degree, for two reasons... the revelation of his race is set to be a key element in the entire series, and I wanted to leave room for wonder, as well as for me to expand on, not trapping myself into anything as I develop the tale.

Also, the concealing clock and the mysterious warrior is a bit cliche, doncha think?

I'm sure your right, but as a fantasy infant, I'm oblivious to what the cliches of the genre are.

On your style, mebbe a bit of editing on the prose as the fear factor goes down a bit when the reader tries to go for the serious literature.

If you would be so kind as to elaborate on what you mean by this, this is where I'm very interested as I do seek to sharpen the dull points. How would you suggest I alter the prose?

[estranghero]

Whew, sorry this took so long but I had deadlines, deadlines at work so I barely have time to reply to this. And since you need serious responses (and not wise-acre replies), I won't be able to do justice to this.

However, let just state:

1.

This was intended to a degree, for two reasons... the revelation of his race is set to be a key element in the entire series, and I wanted to leave room for wonder, as well as for me to expand on, not trapping myself into anything as I develop the tale.

This is true but there's a difference3 between revealing a pertinent detail and over-revealing information. For example, I assumed one of your characters was human until it was revealed later on that he wasn't. That very jarring detail was very... shall we say, uncomfortable, such that it wreaked my reading equilibrium (what people would term 'suspension of belief'). You can see the disadvantages there.

2.

I'm sure your right, but as a fantasy infant, I'm oblivious to what the cliches of the genre are.

Well, that's true but harsh as it may sound, 'ignorance is no excuse'. Look at Holbrook's post on ignorance of writers and research and you'll see what I mean. I'll try to look up some of my research on fantasy cliches to give you examples (though I normally do my research on the internet so you can probably find it there).

3.


If you would be so kind as to elaborate on what you mean by this, this is where I'm very interested as I do seek to sharpen the dull points. How would you suggest I alter the prose?

I'll do you one better, here's an essay from an editor herself who wrote on the subject:
http://www.violetbooks.com/pitfall.html

Hope that helps! http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif

Keep on writing!