View Full Version : Roxanne
New in the Discussion Forum
March 31st, 2002, 07:40 PM
A story of mine has been published in the april edition of The Writer's Hood, I would be grateful for feedback, comments... snide remarks... etc.
April 1st, 2002, 11:35 AM
"The studio was dark at Drake's request, smoke from his cigarette drifted up into the ceiling."
The first sentence is not properly punctuated. You should probably have a semi-colon <;>
No more. :O)
April 1st, 2002, 04:25 PM
Or two different sentences. A dark studio and smoke have very little in common, unless you are trying to link them because smoke would be hard to see in the dark.
You should use PEOPLE instead of ONES.
[This message has been edited by milamber_reborn (edited April 01, 2002).]
April 2nd, 2002, 10:39 AM
A writer, a musician, and a herpetophile....Geez, who knew?
I shall have to read Roxanne again for critical commentary if you like - but at face value, I liked the story and the imagery very much.
*Just an FYI, I have it on good authority that Poison, Stryper, Cinderella, and Faster Pussycat will be touring this summer.
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