[Bree]

"Why do we kill people who kill people to show people that killing people is wrong?"

Off a video on bebo, talking about society. :(

[Tiger-Wolf]

I've got more!:

"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning."

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,"

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio"

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed."

"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."

"Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants

"In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf."

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

"Please provide the date of your death."
- from an IRS letter

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away… so does having no medical insurance.

Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.


If you can’t read this, you’re illiterate.


It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.

He who hesitates is boss.

Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.

Life’s a buffet… so eat me!

I’m just driving this way to piss you off.

If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk.

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Where are we going? And why are we in this hand basket?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There’s a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It’s frightening.

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

Being stupid is its own reward

Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.

STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.

I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life?! WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.

Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them.

The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

Stop being so stupid.. it’s my turn.

I don’t think anyone should write his autobiography until after he’s dead.

If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing

When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him

You can’t just let nature run wild.

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.


I cannot tell you how grateful I am — I am filled with humidity.

The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others.

Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.

Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

"A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice."

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

The worst crime is faking it.

I think that true horror is accomplished by slowly getting into your brain. The old way is much more scary

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders.
If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite.

If aliens are smart enough
to travel through space,
why do they keep abducting
the dumbest people on earth?

Come The Rapture Can I Have Your Car?

Work Harder! Millions on Welfare depend on you.

Horne broken. Watch for Finger.

God is Coming and is she PISSED

How's My Driving? Dial 1-800-EAT ****

This is not an abandoned vehicle.


I want to be just like Barbie That BITCH Has Everything!


Your Kid May Be An Honor Student But You're Still An Idiot.


Driver carries no cash. He's married.

Pissing off the whole planet one person at a time

Answer My Prayers Steal This Car


Beat rush hour, leave work at noon

Born to party, forced to work

CAUTION Driver Just Doesn't Give A ****

CAUTION! I can go from 0 to BITCH in 2.5 seconds

Clear the road I'm SIXTEEN-(yes, if you ever see me driving get far,far ,far away!)

Driver Carries No Cash HE'S MARRIED


I brake suddenly for tailgaters

I can't go to work today, the voices said stay home and clean the gun.

I Don't Need Kids I Married One

If we call it tourist season why can't we shoot them?

I just got a gun for my wife. It's the best trade I ever made.


I may be a Cruel and Heartless Bitch But I'm damn good at it


I'm Only Driving Like This TO PISS YOU OFF


I still have the body of an 18 year old but it's in my trunk and it's starting to smell


I Wasn't Born A Bitch Men Like You Make Me That Way


Life's A Bitch And So Am I

Make It Idiot Proof and Someone Will Make a Better Idiot

Men are Idiots and I married their King

My kid can whip your honor student's ass

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

Of All The Things I've Lost I Miss My Mind The Most

Out of my mind (back in 5 minutes)

Partnership for an idiot-free America

Pissing off the whole planet one person at a time


Real Women Don't Have Hot Flashes, They Have Power Surges

SAVE A COW EAT A VEGETARIAN



Stop Honking You'll Wake The Guy In The My Trunk

Support The Police Beat Yourself Up

THE EARTH IS FULL GO HOME

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live


Visualize using your turn signals


Welcome to the South, Now leave your daughter and go home

Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History

With beer, deer, and pickup trucks who needs women

Women are great leaders, You're following one

Yeah! You can have my gun bullets first!

Yes, This Is My Truck No, I Won't Help You Move

You are a loser. I am a goddess. Any questions?


Your Kid May Be An Honor Student But You're Still An Idiot.

YOU SAY I'M A BITCH LIKE IT'S A BAD THING



THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY


Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Damm! There go the lights again...

What's this doing here?

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Sterile, schemerle. The floor's clean, right?

What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Isn't this the guy with the really lousy insurance?

..................................

Failure is not an option!
It comes bundled with the software.

I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

Power corrupts and
absolute power is kinda neat.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

If life serves you lemons, make lemonade.
If life gives you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.


Remember:

FIRST you pillage,
THEN you burn.

If at first you don't succeed,
destroy all evidence that you even tried.

If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven't met everybody.

I Live in my own little world,
But it's OK,
Everyone knows me here.


It's a small world so you
have to use your elbows a lot.


If a thing is worth doing
it would have been done already.

It may be your sole purpose
in life to simply serve as a
warning to others.

24 hours in a day
24 beers in a case
Coincidence?
I think not!

Be nice to your kids.
They'll choose your nursing home.

They call it "PMS" because
"Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.







You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.

We have enough youth.
How about a fountain of "smart"?

When you work here,
you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".


A fool and his money
can throw one hell of a party.

You May Be a Redneck if...



You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.





You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.






You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.





You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company






Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.


:D:D:D:D

[summer]

i see you have been quote hunting. love 'em :D 'specially these:

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

I Live in my own little world,
But it's OK,
Everyone knows me here.

:):D:):D:)

[Tiger-Wolf]

Thank you Summer,

and some more:

Some multi-task.
I multi-slack.


My cat is smater than your honor student

Success is relative
(More the success, more the relatives.)

its not hard liquor, its just wine!

I am only driving this because my truck is in the shop!

Slow down and back off... I am a cop!

Another bright blue dot in a confused red country.

Silly boys...trucks are for girls!

That thing in the middle of your steering wheel is a horn NOT A DOORBELL.

I was born intelligent, but education ruined me.

If U Read My Bumper Sticker...LOOK OUT!

I failed 1 of my final exams by looking into the soul of the person beside me.

Hit Me...I need the $$$

Have you ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?

Using my turn signal will just reveal my plans to the enemy.

Do not run your fingers over my car and i will not run my car over your fingers.

You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

You Might Be A Redneck If:
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

....................................
and a bit of a song:

Blame it all on my roots
I showed up in boots
And ruined your black tie affair
The last one to know
The last one to show
I was the last one you thought you'd see there
And I saw the surprise
And the fear in his eyes
When I took his glass of champagne
And I toasted you
Said "Honey we may be through
But you'll never hear me complain"
'Cause I've got friends in low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases my blues away
And I'll be okay
I'm not big on social graces
Think I'll slip on down to the Oasis
Oh, I've got friends in low places
Well I guess I was wrong
I just don't belong
But then, I've been there before
Everything's alright
I'll just say goodnight
And I'll show myself to the door
Hey, I didn't mean
To cause a big scene
Just give me an hour and then
Well, I'll be as high as that ivory tower
That you're livin' in
'Cause I've got friends in low places..

(this isn't the full song Friends in low places by Garth Brooks)

:D :D :D

[Laramie]

wow that's a LOT of quotes!

Here's some from various icons...

By the time you finish reading this you realise you have wasted 5 seconds of your life.

God made us best friends because he knew no mum could handle us as sisters!!

Boys are stupid.
Throw rocks at them.

*on a chewed-up piece of paper*
Um...my dog ate my icon.

Don't follow in my footsteps. I run into walls.

If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead.
So shut up.

Yeah, I got it.
I'm not a beauty.
But guess what?
I DON'T CARE!!

Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil.

Please go away I'm allergic to losers.

Reading is for awesome people.

haha.
I'm running with scissors.
OW.
My eye.

Nobody is perfect.
I am nobody.

An msn dp:
Why are you looking here?
Conversation is over there
<--

sweet love ones:

ok so there is this one boy
who makes it hard to breathe, think, speak or sleep.
But I love him anyways.

To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world.

I'll give you 11 roses.
10 real, one fake.
I'll love you til the last one dies

If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day so I never have to live without you.

looking in your eyes is like getting lost in heaven

If you love someone, tell them, because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.

aww!!

[Laramie]

ooh I've already said the funny ones. ah well. just read the love ones :)

[Tiger-Wolf]

Sokay!

Here's one my friend Ricky said:

I'm not crazy, just specially Indifferent.

Andnow some life/crazy quotes:

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

I have a grip on reality--just not this particular one.

We're all in this alone.

Think you're confused? Wait until I explain it.

Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Some mornings it's just not worth gnawing through the straps.

I made a mental note and now I can't remember where I put it!

I think, therefore I am dangerous.

"I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it."

Sometimes the facts fail to correspond to known reality.

He can't be insane, I've never seen him at the meetings...

I came, I saw, I had no idea what was going on, I left.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

Don't let your mind wander, it's too little to be let out by itself.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

I met some crazy people. They made me their leader...

I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.

Didn't I meet you in some other hallucination??.

Never question authority. It doesn't know either.

Some of my best personalities are crazy!

El toro loco: the crazy lawnmower.

Today has been one hell of a week.

One man's insanity is another man's vision.

I live in a world of my own, but you're welcome to visit.

Fun is taking you to the edge of insanity, then pushing.

Being normal isn't one of my strengths

My next nervous breakdown is dedicated to you.

Life is a Highway .....and I feel like Roadkill!

The irony of life is that no one gets out alive...

5 out of 4 people are schizophrenic

I think. I think I am. Therefore I am... I think.

I feel happy! I feel happy! I feel ha..

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

Quick, pick a color from 1 to 10.

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."


"Interesting" ways to say someone's stupid:

- A few beers short of a 6-pack.
- All foam, no beer.
- The cheese slid off his cracker.
- Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
- A few clowns short of a circus.
- A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
- Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
- Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
- Proof that evolution can go in reverse.
- Receiver is off the hook.
- His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
- Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
- He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
- The wheel's still spinning, but the hamster's dead!

.................................................. .............

the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers,
The round pegs in the square holes,
the ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can't do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They push the human race forward.
And while some may see them as the crazy ones, I see genius.
Because the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

................................................

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions

Life is complex - it has both real and imaginary parts

It's better to be on the ground wishing you were flying...
...then to be flying wishing you were on the ground

If it smells, it's chemistry
If it moves, it's biology
If it doesn't work, it's physics

Science is organized knowledge, Wisdom is organized life
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track
................................
How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.
.................................................

Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key.

and now the universe Quotes:

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

There is a theory which states that if ever for any reason anyone discovers what exactly the Universe is for and why it is here it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another that states that this has already happened.

A human being is part of a whole, called by us the "Universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few personsnearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.


Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

There was no "before" the beginning of our universe, because once upon a time there was no time.

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

Most people today still believe, perhaps unconsciously, in the heliocentric universe every newspaper in the land has a section on astrology, yet few have anything at all on astronomy.

If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

and an Eragon quote:“To the sky, to fight or die!”

:D:D:D:D:D

[StarLily]

hahaha i like the one about intelligent life and the one about marriages was hilarious too! :D here's a random one i found the other day

if glue sticks to everything then whats on the inside of the glue bottle?

[Laramie]

ooh I love 'em all!!

[Tiger-Wolf]

;)here's some sadder quotes:

My fav.

If Death was a human, it would be a woman.

.................................................. ..................................


Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.

People living deeply have no fear of death.

Every man dies - Not every man really lives.

Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.

I'm not afraid of death. It's the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life.

"Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult."

I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country

A fool without fear is sometimes wiser than an angel with fear.


Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

Bravery is being the only one in a room who knows your scared to death.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last


"What are you ducking for? ... They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-"
-last words of General John Sedgwick, 1864...right before he was shot in the head by an enemy sniper


There is a difference between friends and best friends a friend will come bail you out of jail but a best friend will be sitting next to you saying "Didn't look like a cop to me."

Me, I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest, honestly! It's the honest one's you have to watch out for because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly stupid!"

Heaven doesn't want me and hell thinks I'll take over.

When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump off a bridge . . . I laugh harder.

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions and the road to heaven is just as bad, better just to stick up your finger and say ‘screw it all’”

I summed up everyone's thoughts with one, single, eloquent, word.
"****."

Anything that does not kill you, makes you stronger. Unless it cripples you. Then you, my Dear Friend, are screwed.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe

Love is friendship set on fire

What kinda crap planet you come from!? Someone trys to kill you- you try and kill them right back!"

"I wish we never met...I'm too young to be contemplating suicide."

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting




:D :D :D ;)