[Ingram]

I submitted a story a while ago, most people told me it was great and they wanted more, now i come to see my ratings and there pretty low http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/frown.gif

the story in my HDD is probally better than the one i submitted.

[wastra]

I read it.

Here's my two cents if you want to hear it, Otherwise, just ignore this post.

First; a two page short story isn't much more than a summary or excerpt. In the space of two pages, the reader is expected to somehow connect with a character and feel his emotions?

Second; there are a few grammatical errors. I generally don't let it affect the ratings I give unless it is rapant, recurring grammar problems. Yours are not, they seem more like typos, so they're nothing to get worried about, and didn't affect my ratings.

Third; the story is so similar to so many other stories that it lacks the feeling of originality or wonder. Here we have a thief hired to steal something by a stranger in the streets of the city. Read that somewhere before? So have I.

The writing style is not bad. It's pretty good. However, the story is so short that you did not allow yourself to express your talent. If you choose to re-write this, try fleshing out several pages. Try to make the characters 3-dimensional. Give them personalities, or habits, or flaws. Try giving us a little more to chew on than a two-sentence personal bio. What are the Keepers? As it stands, the reader can't get any sense of them, and hence cares very little whether or not the thief succeeds.

Lastly, give us a plot. 'Hired as a thief' is a start, but it's not a complete plot. Why is he being hired? Why do we care? Why did he accept? Why should we root for the thief as opposed to the Keepers?

[Ingram]

lol, that it only a drop of the ocean, in fact I totally edited that chapter last night to make way for a new idea i have, i can spoil it all fot you if you like but if you wait untill im around chapter 5 you will find out yourself.

[wastra]

Alright! Let us know when we can read it!