Critique: Fiddling with an idea.

[Holbrook]

:eek: I know I should be editing, yes I am editing...lol...

But I am fiddling with ideas, one outline I was working on I found I needed a "creation myth", to hang parts of the story on, or at least as a reference for me. So I sat down last week and wrote it.

It is rough, first draft, full of mistakes, but I was wondering what folks thought of it, mainly does it make sense? Like most creation myths I have used the "society" of the people in my outline as a base. I suppose a bit like the religious art of the 13th to 15th century, where they dressed characters in the bible stories in the latest fashions ;)

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1098p0.html

[Dawnstorm]

Makes sense to me.

Found it interesting that Time was the maiden, the youngest. (How can you be the youngest without "time"?) It's not implausible, though. Various cultures often have baffling things in their creation myths; and different people are baffled by different things; and everything can be rationalised... :o ;)

***

Also, I thought Robins were migratory birds, and found it strange to have them active in winter; but a bit of research told me they're staying, as well as migrating. (Some robins stay in Britain, while others go to Spain etc. - individuals from the same species. The wikipedia article says that females like to travel more...)

[Hereford Eye]

Found it interesting that Time was the maiden, the youngest.
Couldn't have said it more clearly myself. ;) :rolleyes: :)

As for the Robins, do you suppose it is the rain on the plain in Spain that draws the guttersnipes?

[Expendable]

It's beautiful Holbrook. Great writing.

--Ex.

[Holbrook]

Thanks for the kind words Ex; :D

Dawnstorm; Robins do stay here in the winter, we have one in our garden that has made this his "patch". They are very protective of their space and patrol round.

HE; they are not guttersnipes!!! lol...

As for Time being the youngest, well of course she has to be. The earth, sun, moon and stars came first, it was only with the coming of man that the world needed the concept of time. ;)

[Kirby]

My only suggestion, drop the "the" before the first couple of Maiden Times.
:)