Critique: Equal Time

[Hereford Eye]

I have posted one or two critiques in full critique mode. The recipients would be entirely justified wondering kind of work I turn out. As it happens, I have a first draft posted here: http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1118p0.html
Have at it one and all. Give me your very best.

[JWREmmett]

Many fantasy writers write fantastical fantasy. Bleh. What I mean is this. I remembered and found this in my notes...

"The better fantasy stories deal with simple or fundamental things, untouched by fantasy, but these simplicities are made all the more brilliant by their setting." -- Unknown

The first page introduces what is an elf by sound if not spelling, then a Goddess. Right away you're soaring into the ethereal.

My advice is also to write the details and specifics of what's most important and to add no more.

[Rocket Sheep]

It's in omniescent. :eek:

Sorry, I only read a little to see what Mr JWRE was talking about. I shall run away now. Please take deep relaxing breaths. You don't need to worry. There is no biased miopic pov lecture following. All is well.

[Hereford Eye]

It's in omniescent.
I only did that in the first draft in your honor. I intend to use 2d person expansive in the final draft. :p
Besides, Katherine the Great told me it was okay:
But if you just think you've picked the wrong viewpoint format and all the cool kids use other formats, then seriously, I'm getting the ants. Third person omniscient format is probably more popular than it's ever been since the days when it was the only format around, and I'm getting real tired of people asking, can I use this pov or is it awful.
You don't want to get her started again, do you? :)

[KatG]

I just finished Mr. Bakker's "The Darkness that Comes Before" and now I'm reading Mr. Radthorne's "The Road to Kotaishi, Part 2." Both are in 3p omniscient.

But I would never set the ants on Sheepie. I don't have a death wish. :)

[virangelus]

I am still in the middle of reading the story but want to let you know:

I like the it so far. I can see some things that still need to be hammered out.
Despite that some have critiqued that you've already made it cliche using the tired "Elph/elf" thing and etc... I actually <i>lust</i> for other's so-called "take" on the typical fantasy species and am curious about your Elph culture. You mention so many and say they are so different but I as the reader am curious just how different are they, anyway?

But: During the point where they are gathering in the White Elph's council place beneath the pines, you go into a lot of detail about how the place is made and how they take care of it etc.... at this point in the story it's good to mention what it looks like and a little bit of historical importance (i.e. you mention that it's no longer big enough to handle all the Elph) and I don't really want to know what the place is made out of, I want to know what the council has to say about this big news! Thought that was too much detail at a misappropiate time. Killed the feeling of possible impending doom.

Note: You are not the first, nor will you be the last, to use the name "Dragonback Mountains." May want to consider something different, as much as appetizing as the name is (I love dragons).

I will read the rest of it when I get time. Keep writing