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AskPik
December 15th, 2005, 07:03 PM
For those who have noticed that I've posted five stories for critique in the past two days. . .thanks for your patience and understanding. I have six students in my English class--one more student needs to get me their draft. These students are at a boarding a school with no internet access. They are thrilled to have the opportunity to have their work posted and reviewed. Thanks to all who have given of their time--it's made their week!

The following is Gracie's work. (I don't want to influence the feedback, but this is the best piece, yet, in my opinion--I say this so that those who've read some of my previous students' work and are tired of it will give Gracie a shot and read hers)

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1134p0.html

Dawnstorm
December 15th, 2005, 09:08 PM
Hehe, that's a really nice story. Very little to add, except that I want an organic muffin, now, or one of Mrs. Ellis' pastries.

The turnaround is totally plausible, and totally surprising, and therefore totally tragic. Makes you curious, too.

I like the light tone she has, without making light of her characters. Good at details, too. (The vase, for example.)

There are a few typos and things (was the only was to stop it), but they're easily dealt with.

A delightful read. :)

Expendable
December 17th, 2005, 01:25 AM
The story unfolds smoothly, creating interest and pulling the reader in. Good characterization and use of dialogue. The word "But" is used twice in the opening paragraph. Needs a little more attention to editing but it's a good story. Wouldn't mind reading more. *hint* *hint*

If you can, leave this open a little longer so others might get a chance to critique.
--Ex.