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Uplifted1
January 20th, 2006, 03:13 PM
Hello,uplifted1 here! I have an interesting story I'm starting up,but I wanted to see if it was humorous or not and I'd thought I'd throw in a joke I read too.
It goes like this...

Hera’s Decision

2005 © Uplifted1

On a distant planetoid named Poctera, which is not unlike Earth, an extraordinary event unlike any other occurred...

August 24th, 1948- The Second World War rages on.

The Allies in this conflict are:
The United States
Australia
Mexico
Panama
Canada
Great Britain
Russia

Whereas, the Axis Powers consist of:
The zenith of what was occupied Europe by Germany
Argentina
Japan
Italy
Greenland
Iceland
North Africa

The war has been going very badly for the Allies. Churchill, Stalin and Kennedy are seriously considering terms of surrender if they can’t gain any ground within four months. D-Day had become a disastrous fiasco and the Battle of the Bulge had proved Germany’s superiority over the air, even though the RAF had prevented the bombers from actually getting to their targets. Germany’s Fuhrer, Dieter Hitler and his two brothers, Karl and Dammel, are in control over all of Europe and have called it, ‘The Great New Fatherland’. Battles are constantly fought over land, sea and air. So much so, that President Kennedy has most of the United States living in subterranean housing under major cities that have, since 1946, been destroyed. The Allies are also worried that they are depleting their natural resources for the war too rapidly and estimate they can not hold off the attacks another year. Moving out of pure desperation, Churchill decides to follow the ways of the Druids in order to seek alternative natural resources and perhaps to avail himself of their wisdom to aid them in the war. After a Council meeting with the Elders of the Druids in a bunker underneath Stonehenge, he consults with the other Allied leaders about a desperate plan to end the war...

“My forces are stretched so thin at this moment, I have only 100 F-18 Hornets to cover all of Russia and that’s not counting the one’s shot down by those damn Nazi K-47 Hammer Surface-to-Air Missiles!”
Stalin fingered his fuzzy moustache, as Kennedy looked at him and nodded.
“We understand that, but you have to realize that all of our forces are stretched to the bare minimum. The U.S. is preparing for an invasion attack upon our shores within 3 months!”
A lone, hooded figure walked into the White House’s War Room, and set his Staff aside.

“This entire War could be erased from everyone’s memory, if a plan I have been developing, works.”
The figure threw back it’s hood to reveal Churchill’s wrinkled features.
“Oh, look who has decided to join us for the war! Do you think the magic tricks you’ve learned from those fruitcakes will just make everybody happy and full of smiles?”
Churchill closed his eyes and spoke with conviction.
“First of all, my Cossack Ally, Druids are not magicians. Second, if we go with this plan, it will end the war, but will not make anyone happy. Third, Druids are not fruitcakes.”
“What is this plan, Second Circle Avatar and Prime Minister Churchill?”
Churchill took a deep breath and recanted what was told him.
“The Staff of Hera has been lost in legend and myths since the Roman Empire. Its powers are beyond human description. But, it is not folly, gentlemen. It is very real, it can be located and its powers used to help end this desecration of life.”
Kennedy smiled.
“It is real? Great! Give me the coordinates and I’ll send a elite commando unit to pick it up!”
Churchill gave him a cold stare.
“Mister President, if any male touches the Staff of Hera, that would mean total annihilation for the male gender as a whole.”
Stalin laughed.
“‘American Preparedness!’ I have a crack female assault unit that could be dropped down to the ground via Krakstohli helicopter.”
“And by doing so, Joseph, you’ll destroy this planet once and for all.”
Churchill turned to them.
“Gentlemen, before you so rudely interrupted me, I was saying that the Staff of Hera had a small strand of hair dangling from the Staff itself. That may be the key to obtaining it. President Kennedy, the strand I spoke of, I have already sent to the Subterranean DNA Laboratory underneath La Porte, Indiana. I’m sure they will come up with a match within a few days. Until then, we should contact whatever underground agents we have in Greece to help aid this person in any way, shape or form.”
Stalin slightly smiled.
“So, I guess these druids did help you with something...”
Churchill smiled back.
“You can only imagined what they could teach you.”
“Really?”
Kennedy lead them to the door of the White House’s War Room.
“Did you know trees have erogenous zones and, with training, you can tap into them?”
Stalin looked into the distance.
“There is this pine tree in my backyard I’ve grown fond of...”
Kennedy went back to the campaign map in the center of the room when the door opened again and a female three-star general in dress greens, approached him.
“What is it, General Marilyn Munroe.”
“Sir, I came to officially report that The Germans have been beaten back from an attack off the coast of Maine. A mixture of our Armed Forces, together with regular citizens and unofficially recognized militias were led by an insane man wearing some Red Sox Baseball attire.(I think his name was Stephen…something.) We did suffer losses. 10 persons killed by machine gun fire, 2 wounded, 2 lighthouses completely destroyed, 2 Chevy SUV’s blown up and one fishing pole with line bait, and bobber destroyed.”
Kennedy frowned.
“How did the fishing pole figured in the battle?”
Munroe handed him the report on paper.
“The old woman who refused to live subterranean and still resided in one of the lighthouses, smashed the pole over the German officer leading the invasion. Killed him and the minnow instantly.”

And the written joke:

M R DUCKS
M R KNOT
O S A R
C M WINGS
L I B
M R DUCKS

(old joke!)