Please Critique My Story

[Mark13]

Hello,

I've posted the first part of a Sword & Sorcery tale I've been working on.

The Bones of the Matter

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1205p0.html

I also have posted five zombie themed stories that I wrote about 2 years ago on a zombie fiction forum. This forum was just an informal message board. The stories belong to me alone for copyright purposes.

1. Zombie Night in Canada

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1207p0.html

2. Donna of the Dead

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1208p0.html

3. Saved by the Belle

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1210p0.html

4. Tooter the Shooter Part I : Humble Beginnings

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1211p0.html

5. Cradle to Grave

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1209p0.html

And finally, my poem,

Orcish Fight Song.

http://www.sffworld.com/community/poem/850.html

Please feel free to have a look at any or all of them and share criticisms, positive or negative, with me.

Thanks very much!
Mark

[Mark13]

Bumpity-bump.

[Expendable]

Bumpity-bump.
I like the Orc's Song. It's very energetic.

[Mark13]

I'm glad you liked the song!

Anyone have any thoughts on the stories?

[cheese]

Yeah I like the Orc Song as well..Its very catchy.. :D ..I will check out more of your work later when I have a bit more time.

[virangelus]

Yup, the Orc Song is very amusing ^^ Needs a drum beat somewhere when I read it.

And a thought of Cradle Grave... there is a movie with that title on it somewhere I would suggest changing this in someway so some critic don't say you copied it.

ANother thing: NO way! You're from El Paso >> (or at least know if it's existance!) THat's my hometown ironically ^^ I haven't read all of Cradle Grave so give me a bit, and I'll see if I can't go through it more thourougly.

[Mark13]

The Orc Song seems to be a winner! :D Maybe I'll come up with some for the Dwarves & Elves...

I really think the title Cradle to Grave suits, because of my use of the term "Cradle of civilization" in the opening. I'm hoping that because it is an established phrase, it won't be a copyright violation.

Yes, I live in El Paso now, on the far east side. I grew up in Ottawa, Ontario, the setting of my Zombie Night in Canada, but I moved here a couple of years ago because this is my wife's hometown. It's a nice, peaceful place with a low crime rate, but it's kind of suburban for my taste. I love the desert and the mountains, though, and all the great historical sites around here. I'm a huge western fan as well as an SFF fan.