Critique: I need some feed back please.

[ANDARED]

Hi, I'm ray andI have two chapters of a serilal story posted, and would like some feed back. If you read and comment on my work, I'll read and comment on yours.
I also have some artwork posted.

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1221p0.html

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1231p0.html (http://)

http://www.sffworld.com/gallery/showgallery.php cat=500&ppuser=6860 (http://)

[Expendable]

Ray, whenever possible, please include a link to the stories, etc. you want critiqued. You can use the icon of the globe with the links of chain to make a link or look at this (http://www.sffworld.com/forums/misc.php?do=bbcode#url).

Are The Age of Shadow (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1221p0.html) and Bonds of Blood (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1231p0.html) your stories?

[ANDARED]

Yes they are mine thank you.

[candy]

a mon avis, she is afraid liike a mouse lol "hour of blood"