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Protagonist
June 10th, 2006, 08:04 PM
http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1533p0.htmlThis is a short story I worked on a while ago called the angels hunt.:D
Can anyone please point out my strengths,weaknesses, etc, what I'm doing right/wrong.
Thanks.

Phoenix89x
June 10th, 2006, 10:20 PM
I enjoyed this a lot- good concept, interesting characters- but there are a few problems.

First, there's no setup, no atmosphere. The line about insects was a start, but mostly character development for Gabriel. London was a very dark and dank place, especially in stories such as this- show that.

Second, we really have no idea what's going on- there's action, and it's good, and we want Gabriel to win- but we still don't understand what's happening.

Third, this ties in with the atmosphere thing, but the whole thing comes off as a little rushed. Perhaps you could've taken your time with things and setup the battle more subtley.


Other than that, it's pretty good. Hope it's continued.

Nan
June 20th, 2006, 11:27 AM
I really enjoyed that. My only criticism is that the battle seemed to happen because it was supposed to happen. The battle's setup felt a little rushed and unnatural. All that aside, it was very good. Let me know if you add to it!