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Holbrook
June 21st, 2006, 01:44 AM
Not done this for awhile. Not written for awhile either.

A beginning of a story. Historical fiction with a supernatural twist.

It's very short at present

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1661p0.html

SubZero61992
June 21st, 2006, 01:46 AM
Okay, very interesting, and very wierd. I get the idea that they are ghost or something? Can you help me?

Holbrook
June 21st, 2006, 01:57 AM
Okay, very interesting, and very wierd. I get the idea that they are ghost or something? Can you help me?

I am playing with the idea that the trapped officer,(WW1 setting) after seeing so much death and believing he is responsible for the death of his men, believes he is dead. Least that's the beginning of it. He witnesses some soldiers killiing another officer, this is just a rough beginning not sure where it will go yet...

SubZero61992
June 21st, 2006, 01:58 AM
Funny, and sickly believable from my own perspective in war.

Dawnstorm
June 21st, 2006, 05:51 AM
Sounds interesting. The style reads appropriately apathetic.

Reminds me a bit of the Alan Parker movie "Birdie", and of Erich Maria Remark's novel "All Quiet on the Western Fronts" ("Im Westen Nichts Neues"), which I both liked for different reasons.

In this scene, I'd want to be Jim. :cool:

kater
June 21st, 2006, 10:11 AM
Works for me :) If ever there was a setting ideal for horror/ghost stories then the trenches of WW1 is it, the amount of people scarred by that war is terrifying to think about. Could turn into something intriguing :)

MrBF1V3
June 22nd, 2006, 02:16 AM
It sounds like a good idea, (not the usual 'a group of teenagers sneak away to have a party at the old haunted house' kind of stuff).

Well written too. I would suggest a sentence or two more description, toward the beginning, to pull me into the scene. Maybe just try it that way and see if it works. But it is fine the way it is.

How does he get out of the mud and wires? (ouch)

Or does he?

B5

Holbrook
June 22nd, 2006, 05:59 AM
It sounds like a good idea, (not the usual 'a group of teenagers sneak away to have a party at the old haunted house' kind of stuff).

Well written too. I would suggest a sentence or two more description, toward the beginning, to pull me into the scene. Maybe just try it that way and see if it works. But it is fine the way it is.

How does he get out of the mud and wires? (ouch)

Or does he?

B5

Oh I have worked out how, after that is he witnesses the murder of Lt Tennant! . Though I need to find out a few facts first... A lot of thinking and not much writing of yet... I hope to have a lot worked out before I start, then crack on for a few weeks over the summer.

onions
June 22nd, 2006, 06:32 AM
Well, I'm drawn in straight away.
The dialogue is directly understandable, despite the jargon and it seems very...emotionally authentic. It's instantly believable and real.

I don't know if you've read "Regeneration" by Pat Barker yet, but I'd recommend it for the psychological components of trench warfare (and it's a brilliant novel).

Rhiannon
June 22nd, 2006, 03:23 PM
I really enjoyed reading that. Even though it was a short section, you captured the WWI "feel" for me just perfectly. I, like others, am reminded of "All Quiet on the Western Front" (though I've never read the book) and a juvenile book I read awhile back, "The Lord of the Nutcracker Men" by Iain Lawrence, also set during WWI. It has the same feel as some of the WWI poetry I've read as well. I really, really like the rhythm of the sentences. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about how it's written that creates the mood for me. Good luck with it! I can't even imagine how much historical research would be necessary for a project like this. Yikes.