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Fanir
June 22nd, 2006, 04:10 PM
I would appreciate it if you guys read my story so that I can get some feedback. Is it too short, confusing, or stupid? Let me know.

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1443p0.html

Biscuits
June 23rd, 2006, 04:52 AM
Now, perhaps one little piece of advice.

Biscuits
June 23rd, 2006, 04:56 AM
Damn! I pushed the post button before I was finished!
What I was going to say is this: I think your story would benefit I you cut down of the humour a little bit. While good in small amounts, it ultimately takes away from the intensity of the situation.

Oh, and when you say "thru" you no doubt mean "through"? Right?

kegasaurus
June 23rd, 2006, 09:51 AM
I wouldn't worry about the humour, so much as i would the way you are writing in the first person. There is a complexity of character you are missing, a complexity that defines great first person narratives and underlines teh absurd.

A great narrative will not involve judgement from teh writer, but will instead invoke reaction form the reader. It gives the oppurtunity for the reader to define the character, as we do in relationships, rather than being told who we have to like. A lot of people have gotten away with writing abhorrent characters, but in the end, these characters have found a soft spot in the readers heart, through the talents of a empathetic writer.

Fanir
June 24th, 2006, 08:26 PM
Thank you both for your feedback.

Biscuits:
One entry found for thru.


Main Entry: thru
variant of THROUGH
I like this version(thru) over the other. I like the amount of humour but I can see your point where it may take away from the intensity of the story.

kegasaurus:
I see what you mean that I may be forcing the character on the reader. Writing in first person I thought I could make the reader feel the emotions a little better and I thought the reader could decide whether or not they really like the character through his private thoughts.

Thank you for the constructive criticism.