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BlueAngel
July 20th, 2006, 11:42 AM
Post edited. You can now read my stories at http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1745p0.html

BlueAngel
July 20th, 2006, 11:43 AM
--------Edited post.

Rob B
July 20th, 2006, 12:11 PM
Stories should be submitted here: http://www.sffworld.com/community/ and not as topics. Once your story is posted, start a topic which links to the story where feedback and criticism can be discussed.

BlueAngel
July 20th, 2006, 03:33 PM
it wasn't a finished work so I posted it here so maybe I could get advice on how to finish it. That's how I'd done it before, did the rules change?

kater
July 20th, 2006, 04:55 PM
No the rules haven't changed :) We've always asked for a member's work to be submitted in the Community/Stories section first. Remember once it's submitted you can still edit your writing at any time through your control panel so unfinished work can always be finished :) Not to worry this time, but file it away for future reference ;)

Ozzie U Nolem
July 21st, 2006, 01:11 AM
Hello,
Before I read further, could you tell me what your inspiration is behind writing the story. What was your first thought that led to you wanting to write your story...

Penguin12
July 22nd, 2006, 12:52 AM
First of all, I wanted to say: great story. Just some little details set it apart from the rest for me, like how the people's skin was pale because of their distance from the sun. Perhaps you could dwell on that a little bit, telling how they might be - for example - genetically modified to require less sunlight. Little things often make a good story.

I had a little trouble, though, with the general structure. I think it would read better if it were a little more snappy - keep the dialogue, but slim down the explanations and descriptions to the bare minimum. The best stories (for me, at least) are the ones which get their point across quickly without sacrificing style. Makes for a limited story, I admit; but the audience will be able to digest it faster, and then they will be hungry for more. Especially if you're posting on the internet; when confronted with a story of more than a couple pages, the reader's mind tends to wander.

Once again, great story. It has potential. Keep up the good work.

BlueAngel
July 22nd, 2006, 10:53 PM
Hello,
Before I read further, could you tell me what your inspiration is behind writing the story. What was your first thought that led to you wanting to write your story...
It must've been a combination of concepts I'd heard of before that I was trying to blend together in my head. The concept started out as one revolving around a mysterious girl who woul be found in a desolate place, and the resulting changes she will experience from the experiments once done there. I just built upon it after that.~Angela

BlueAngel
July 23rd, 2006, 01:47 PM
Okay, my two unfinished short stories are up for critique here
http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1745p0.html

I'd like to be critiqued and guided on both of them, so any suggestions are appreciated. :)~Angela