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BrianC
August 6th, 2006, 02:07 AM
Is anyone interested in being a beta reader for my WIP? It would be a substantial committment at approximately 155,000 words and I would ask for at least some constructive criticism. However, reading it should not be a chore, as the novel is in essentially finished form. It needs perhaps only some minor polishing and a reality check. Plus, when and if it is published, you would definitely make the dedication page (not to mention me owing you the same favor).

There are 30 chapters, and I would email you 10 PDF's of 3 chapters each. The genre is fantasy, somewhat traditional in setting, and I don't want to say anymore than that because I want reactions to be as spontaneous as possible.

Send me a PM if you are interested.

ETA: Just to make things more clear, I'm not looking for editing or rewriting. I just want some objective opinions as to whether the story holds together, where it works and (most importantly) where it doesn't and why. Also, I don't want to have any parents irate at me, so only 18 or over, please.

HellCold
August 6th, 2006, 11:35 AM
Is anyone interested in being a beta reader for my WIP? It would be a substantial committment at approximately 155,000 words and I would ask for at least some constructive criticism. However, reading it should not be a chore, as the novel is in essentially finished form. It needs perhaps only some minor polishing and a reality check. Plus, when and if it is published, you would definitely make the dedication page (not to mention me owing you the same favor).

There are 30 chapters, and I would email you 10 PDF's of 3 chapters each. The genre is fantasy, somewhat traditional in setting, and I don't want to say anymore than that because I want reactions to be as spontaneous as possible.

Send me a PM if you are interested.

I'm interested. Email it to me, and I'll be sure to read as best as I can. And I can even help you with polishing, reformatting and styling it to a top notch (I gotta many progs for doing so) before you can "publish" it. What say you?

Mock
August 6th, 2006, 01:53 PM
I'm interested MAYBE . . . Can you give some sort of synopsis?—via PM if you want.

BrianC
August 7th, 2006, 06:32 AM
The following was posted on my blog:


RoseThorn tells the story of the Adanae, a people of extraordinary beauty, intellect and power, a people with a past and a secret hidden even from themselves. Twenty-five generations ago the Adanae were exiled, cast on the sea in seven ships and driven before a terrible storm to land on the shores of a strange land. There the Adanae found only primitive tribes, still with merely stone tools and weapons. And the tribesfolk did not have the Mahare, the magic that the people of Adan drew upon for their power. A few of the primitives befriended the Adanae, but most fled away from them to live on the edge of survival. The Adanae began to build a new city in the wilderness--Adan.

The crime committed by the exiles would remain hidden, for after landing on the new shores the Adanae fell under two curses: the Ban and the Forgetting. The Ban forbade any Adanae to ever sail beyond sight of their new lands. The few that defied the Ban perished in violent maelstroms that assaulted their ships. The Forgetting afflicted all of the people of Adan, causing them to lose all memory of who they had been or why they suffered exile.

Twenty-five generations passed and the city of Adan grew along the River Edara, a city of marble and granite, of temples, theaters and markets, parks and gardens. The Adanae poured the Mahare into everything they built, and the city grew, radiant and graceful, a city protected by a Wall that could never be breached. Within their city the Adanae became great again, a people of culture, of learning and art and philosophy. But as wondrous as they made their city, the world outside remained as it had been, wild, primitive, and brutal.

Those primitive tribes who befriended the Adan founded, in time, the kingdom of Arras. Those tribes who fled into the wilderness remained wild and primitive, becoming the enemies of both Adan and Arras. Both the wild men--the Skeldi--and other races have raided and attacked Adan in the past, but they have always been defeated.

Untouchable. Unblemished. So the Adanae thought of their city. But dark forces gather over time, and even the strongest may fail to weather the storm if caught unprepared.

This is where the story of RoseThorn begins . . . with Adan at peace and the Adanae seemingly in the zenith of their power. War then comes to Arras when an alliance of Skeldi and goblins invade, and the people of the city mobilize to their aid. The Adanae fear nothing, for in five thousand years nothing has challenged their might of arms or command of the Mahare. The army marches to Arras under the two eldest princes of the ruling house of Adan, Otheron and Cenith. But the unforseen appearance on the battlefield of the mysterious Black General bodes ill for Adan and Arras alike. Caladon, the third son of the ruling family, however, travels away from battle on a quest--dangerous and secret. His success, or his failure, may change the course of the war. But there is a shadow at his heels, a shadow that watches and follows as Caladon travels alone into the wilderness.

Also, the opening scene of the first chapter has been posted here (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1664p0.html) to give you some idea of my writing style.

Mock
August 7th, 2006, 10:13 AM
I'd probably read it, but . . .


I don't want to have any parents irate at me, so only 18 or over

I'm 14. What's it got? Gore? Cussing? Sex? The first two are pretty much okay, but sex . . . my mother would probably spank me like a baby. :o

BrianC
August 7th, 2006, 10:25 AM
I'd probably read it, but . . .



I'm 14. What's it got? Gore? Cussing? Sex? The first two are pretty much okay, but sex . . . my mother would probably spank me like a baby. :o
Well, gore is a matter of perspective isn't it. There is a good bit of violent death, but very little graphic description of blood and guts. No cussing. No explicit sex scenes, as such, but yes a couple of characters do fall for each other. Mainly I want to avoid involving any minors because I can imagine that some parents can be touchy about complete strangers sending stuff to their kids over the internet. I just don't need the headache, sorry.

Mock
August 7th, 2006, 11:34 AM
Oh all right. Good luck then. :)

Hereford Eye
August 21st, 2006, 06:49 PM
I'll tell you what folks: you should have volunteered. That was a pleasure!

BrianC
August 23rd, 2006, 08:36 AM
Well for anyone interested, I have posted the revised and complete first chapter in the Stories section. http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/1836p0.html

Dazzlinkat
August 23rd, 2006, 10:58 AM
Very good chapter! I especially love how you ended it.