View Full Version : Critique: Quick Flash Project
August 26th, 2006, 06:08 AM
Well, even though it's blatantly out of character for me, I jotted down a little story in my head the other day that worked out to be a li'l 800-word flash project. I think I got the central theme out alright, but maybe some of the 'subtext' is a little muddled (I find it hard to be subtle with so few words...)
Anyway, it's a lightning-quick read, if you wanna have a looksie.
August 27th, 2006, 12:08 PM
And from that day forth .. From that day forth. You use this twice very closr together. A minor blip.
I really like this story and especially the ending. It even feels like a possible beginning to something bigger as well.
August 28th, 2006, 12:35 AM
okay, for what it's worth...
You have a good writing style, very readable, one gets easily caught up. It seems like the first part of the story kind of wanders, like you (I often do this) were looking for the thread of the story, then the story starts. If you are doing flash, you have to keep it tight, start the story where the story starts. I think the story starts (with the exception of the intro paragraph) when Verwick happens on the botanist--everything previous is history and can be mentioned in passing.
It is important that the reader know why these seeds are a bad thing. You hit all around it, but this is one of those times not to be subtle, tell me what these things do (you don't have to go into graphic detail, just enough), and why it's necessary to kill everyone who has one. And somewhere near the end, and this is just me, I would use the word "child" to describe the latest casualty. It took me a bit to get it, and the information is all there, maybe I'm dense, so do what you think is best.
And keep writing.
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