Critique; Prologue.

[Holbrook]

The real world is slowly allowing me some space these days. I have begun to shake my doubts about the writing, by not thinking on it to much and going with what happens.

As Hand of Glory is very intense on the research side and the writing of it is hard going. I thought I would try and space it between revisiting the story that started my bout of madness seven years ago. I recently edited the original story for submissions to a number of agents, something a number of folk have been badgering me to do for awhile. It has only been sent to a couple of publishers prior to this and one agent, who requested the whole manuscript, but in the end declined it.

Anyway, I have been playing again in this world and it was my intention from the beginning that any sequel would take place four years from the end of the previous work, but I couldn't decide which ending to use in that book and how that would affect the beginning of another story. Well, I have chosen the ending and had a bit of a brain storm concerning the prologue of the sequel.


http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2019p0.html

If anyone is mad enough to want to read the original story PM me and I will dump 228,000 words on you lol.....

[Dazzlinkat]

Cool prologue, although having not read your first part, it is a bit rough to understand. Especially why the blood kills the elementals and what the ritual in the tent did. Will things be explained later with perhaps a part one re-cap?

[Elidhu]

very intriguing... it looks like the world its set in is quite deep... i cant even begin to wonder how to pronounce some of the names in them... perhaps you could do a foeword in the front or if you had difficulty explaining the world you could write a glossary... love the atmosphere... had me hooked from the beggining

[kater]

I like it, a lot :)

[Liathano]

I liked it too. I would have liked to have learned more regarding the elementals sacrifice, why they did it and how it helped the situation.:rolleyes:

[Dawnstorm]

You folk should be mad enough and have the 228k words dumped on you. I've read an earlier version and it's better than most of the stuff I've bought recently.

Try a Welsh pronunciation dictionary. After a view months (and soundfiles) you should be able to produce most sounds for the names...

I'm going to look over the prologue as soon as I get my comp back (I've glanced over it, but an internet café isn't the best environment to read.)

[Dazzlinkat]

Oh, I want the thing dumped on me but not until after NaNo .. am trying that for the first time and am pretty sure I wont have time to read more beyond my volumes of worldbuilding notes and plot notes :eek:

[Holbrook]

Thanks for the kind words.

The prologue put up here is to the second book, the first book is the 228,000 or so words .

The prologue to the first is here.... http://www.holbrookandhe.com/llafn_meisttr1.htm

The words and names are indeed Welsh, and the translation of the words/and or meaning of the names, are important to the story, if any one ever makes the effort to translate . Hafan = heaven ;)

As to the pronunciation I will type out some notes at some point and post them. I will also get round to answering the PM's but please forgive me, it's been a bummer of a week at work so far. I am working nearly full time this week, and not much time for the net..