Critique: New guy.

[HellzBellzX2]

Whats up? Name's HellzBellz, Im currently writing a scifi/horror story and was recomended to go here. Seems like a fine and dandy place.:D

So, I'll drop a paragraph or two just to show you guys what Im working on. This is just a breif description.


In the year 2010 19 yearold Gannon Black falls ill to a unknown disease. He is put in crio-sleep for 10 years to wait for a cure. While in crio-sleep the whole world starts to fall to this unknown virus. The virus causes extream anger and violence in it's host then turns them into a "zombie". Scientist discover the source of the virus is a very small burnt out star wich is hurtling through space. Earth moves into deep space to escape the disease ridden and the impact of the star (wich is now called the BlackStar). A military team called RRTOT (Resource Recovery and Tactical Operations Team) is created to collect espers. Espers are humans or animals wich have not been infected by the virus (now called GamaSyndrome). They discover Gannon and two other crio-sleepers. Unknown to the RRTOT Gannon and the others have GamaSyndrome cells sleeping and strengthening inside of them. As the story unfolds the sleepers start to develope strange abilities like instant healing caused by the cells slowly starting to wake up. Gannon and the sleepers are recruited by the RRTOT due to their abilities. Gannon falls in love with the commander of RRTOT Lylianna. Gannon turns evil due to the virus... starts to mutate into a super human monster thingy... yadda yadda yadda.

Too lazy to type the rest.

Any comments, questions or suggestions are welcomed with arms wide open :)

[Evil Agent]

Welcome, Hellz...

But you posted this in the wrong place. Their is a subforum for writing. Take a look around from the main forum screen, and you'll see many subforums for all different things. I'm sure this will be moved there soon.

[HellzBellzX2]

Well in another forum I frequent this is where to post "Hi Im new" stuff...

Sorry, guess I'll have to get used to these ways :)

[Evil Agent]

Actually, here's the Introduce Yourself And Say Hi! (http://sffworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10267) thread. But there's a seperate forum for writing and critiques, HERE (http://sffworld.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=10).

[Hobbit]

And with that in mind, I've moved the thread to the Writing Forum.

Different folks, different rules!

(Welcome, btw, HellzBellzX2!)

Hobbit
Administrator

[Rocket Sheep]

Welcome HellzBellz doubled, your plot reminds me of another story, written by an Australian, on a similar theme. It was an excellent story but by a small publisher and never took off... unfairly never took off... umm... even title escapes me... that's so unfair... I know so many books like that. I love them and no one else has ever heard of them. Whether that's something about me or the publishing world in general, I don't know.

BUT the premise was similar. It incorporated rebirth as well. People who committed violent crimes were destined to be reborn as new people again and again and commit violent crimes over and over. Rebirth became a scientific fact instead of a myth and children were blood tested at birth to see if they were likely future violent offenders. At 15 years old they were removed from their families and put into Cryo-sleep to halt the rebirth cycle. The problem was that people became meek and mild with none of the get up and go that violent types contributed to mankind. So one girl who escaped the cryo-sleep suddenly became very important to the army who needed someone to go on a rescue mission.

[Dazzlinkat]

Welcome, HellzBellzX2! Your plot sounds pretty interesting!

[Blacknarcissa]

Rocket sheep.

Wowza I like the sound of that! What a shame it wasn't published!
How did you learn of it? and.. So've you read it then? :)