View Full Version : Looking for some critique
December 15th, 2006, 07:01 AM
Hi i'm new to the forums. I've been writing a sci-fi book for a while, but recently i decided to start writing it as a blog as it helps keep me motivated and will help get more feedback for it. I was wondering what people thought of what i've written so far:
December 18th, 2006, 08:49 AM
I took a brief look at your story and wanted to comment on one particular aspect. I've read quite a few stories in my day, from a variety of cultural backgrounds (both in sci-fi and otherwise), but I have to say that the names you are using I find very difficult to "parse", so to speak. I consistently found myself getting hung up on an entirely trivial aspect of names. I wish I could be more precise with what it is about the names you choose, but I just stumble past them.
Perhaps related to that is that you are using a lot of conversational parts, which is good (and you are doing those well, in a very natural way), but there doesn't seem to be quite as much supporting text to give me some background on who these people are. Maybe that will just come later, but it would appear you are trying to build a pretty complex scenario, so giving the reader the overviews would be helpful.
On the whole though I think it's pretty good. Watch for some grammar issues here and there (your vs you're, etc)
December 18th, 2006, 11:17 AM
Thank you for your response!
I have had other people comment saying they are pleased by the names as they are not as cheesy as they thought they would be. Plus of course im used to pronouncing them.
I will be building up the characters background as i go along, slowly revealing more about them and the backstroy. I want to draw the reader in and i find the converstational nature of my writing helps to do that.
December 25th, 2006, 11:48 PM
I agree with xMetal the names are difficult to pronounce. This can be a problem for readers because they won't remember who is who because they can't even say the names. Otherwise I enjoy the conversation, it drew me in very quickly and showing how a character reacts to say waiting for a long time shows alot more about that person's character rather than just directly stating that they are impatient or not. Altogether pretty good.
December 26th, 2006, 10:55 AM
I suppose i've become used to the names, i've been working on the book for a long time. Im trying to make the games futuristic sounding without being difficult to pronounce, which is proving difficult to balance.
and thank you for your general compliments.
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